The Empowerment Couple
The Empowerment Couple Podcast: Helping you soulfully heal your body, bank, bond, and boldness!
Welcome to The Empowerment Couple Podcast—your go-to frequency for embodied healing, conscious leadership, sacred love, and soul-aligned wealth. Hosted by empowerment coaches and real-life partners Zuri and Mikey Star, this weekly show delivers punchy insights, deep coaching moments, and radical truth-telling for lovers, leaders, and legacy builders.
Each episode brings you transformative tools across our four signature pillars:
Wellness Mastery – nervous system healing, somatic rituals, intuitive health
Wealth Expansion – abundance mindset, money energetics, business elevation
Sacred Relationships – conscious love, polarity, communication mastery
Embodied Leadership – decision clarity, consistency codes, soulful success
From Breakthrough Bytes to full-length coaching episodes, we blend science, strategy, and spirituality to help you ditch the patterns that keep you stuck—so you can rise, receive, and lead with purpose.
Whether you're healing from burnout, rebuilding trust, launching your next level, or navigating big love — we got you.
Tune in to transform. Stay to rise.
This is The Empowerment Couple Podcast.
The Empowerment Couple
Unlocking Emotional Bonds: How to Strengthen Your Relationship with The 4 H's of Communication
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Are you stuck in a rut with your partner? Discover the transformative power of communication in our latest episode that dives into the common pitfalls many couples encounter—especially the silent treatment, which often leads to emotional distance. We unravel the mysteries of effective communication with our 4-H's approach, ensuring that each partner's needs are met without misunderstanding.
Learn to navigate conversations with empathy and light-heartedness by incorporating playful check-ins or dancing together to shift your energy. This episode details various tactics that foster understanding rather than conflict, advising couples to practice the pause-and-process method when discussions become heated, and ensuring both individuals feel valued and safe.
Communication is more than just speaking; it is about connection, allowing partners to express their needs peacefully. So, whether you want to be helped, heard, or simply held, this episode offers insights into creating an emotional bond that not only survives but thrives. Join us to learn how laughter can be seamlessly integrated into serious discussions and why daily check-ins might be the lifeline your relationship needs. Engage with us and kickstart your journey toward deeper love and understanding today! Subscribe now, share your thoughts, and let’s empower each other through love and communication.
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Introduction to Coherence Program
Speaker 1So we have been running a program called Coherence, which Mike was like oh well, when we do podcasts, we should run Coherence, this atmosphere program.
Speaker 2And it works.
Speaker 1And it works, but it also you didn't mess up at all. I didn't mess up at all.
Speaker 2You're so much better this time, oh my God.
Speaker 1Welcome to the Empowerment Couple Podcast, where your path to self-mastery expands.
Speaker 2My co-host is empowerment coach Zuri Starr.
Speaker 1And he's expansion coach Mikey Starr.
Speaker 2Together we are the Empowerment Couple.
Speaker 1Our mission is simple to serve you, love, so you can make informed decisions to regain and maintain your personal power.
Speaker 2We'll take you on a journey to a life filled with purpose, passion and limitless possibilities, while sharing stories of transformation.
Speaker 1Wellness hacks and healthy habits backed by science and ancient wisdom. Plus, we'll keep you entertained with engaging games, banter and funny innuendos along the way. Each episode is an exciting blend of education, entertainment and empowerment designed to help you create a mindset to be a magnet for more love, happiness and abundance.
Speaker 2Together with our special guests. We are dedicated to sharing information that empowers you to create your most beautiful life. A one-zine, a two-zine, a three-zine your most beautiful life.
Speaker 1I got nothing. I got nothing, I got nothing.
Speaker 2You're supposed to say something I forgot. Check, check, check, check. The Healy was trying to get up on the show.
Speaker 1With the mag on the table and it was like, oh, I'm going to be in this podcast, I'm your special guest.
Speaker 2What we don't know is the show is infused with healing vibrations.
Speaker 1Well, we did run coherence, but I'm telling you something about this. Magnetic healing was like oh, I'm going to be a guest. Let me tell you how I'm healing you.
Speaker 2It's like an audio halo around us. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1Exactly so. We didn't know we were going to have a special guest today. But today our special guest is the mag Healy.
Speaker 2So it's actually five H's.
Speaker 1Magnetic frequency. Yes, it's not just the 4-H show.
Speaker 2Yeah, it's the 5-H show.
Speaker 1It's the 5-H show.
Speaker 2What do the 4-Hs stand for?
Speaker 1Well, we're going to talk about relationship communication today, yeah, and we're going to get into an exercise that we call the 4-H and we will tell you about it later. Okay, but the show concept is really just we want to make sure you have some tools that will help you have better connection with your partner. Um, really, like, relationships are all about connection. You're either growing together or growing apart, so you want to dive into it.
Speaker 2I do, I do, and it kind of goes in, goes in alignment with what we always say in regards to marriage. If you swap out the word marriage for the word connection, then you're always working on your connection. So part of that connection is what we're about to get into right now.
Speaker 1Yeah, and we're rounding out our theme for February, which is all about love and connection and self-love, and you know we've been giving you lots of content around love and next month we're going to be talking about body in our 12 areas of life. Themes for the Empowerment Couple podcast.
Speaker 2Well, first and foremost, communication isn't just about talking, it's about connection, right? So what we really need to do is work on our communication to improve our connection.
Speaker 1Exactly, and communication is really the foundation of a relationship. A relationship without communication is like a house without a foundation.
Speaker 2It will fall.
Speaker 1It will, and tumble, tumble down and sometimes a slow tumble and who wants that right? So the role of communication is really to build trust, intimacy and understanding. Correct, and why do we want to do this? We want to do this because it leads to better connection, more fun, more flow, better sex and ease. And then you know you're not just like a silent roommate with your partner.
Speaker 2That is correct. Or an angry roommate, that is correct.
Speaker 1Or a resentful roommate.
Speaker 2And with connection, breeds peace and harmony yes, and when you are in peace and harmony, everything works Right. Even the hard times have a silver lining around it, because it allows you both to grow through something that will make you stronger.
Speaker 1Yes.
Speaker 2As long as there is peace and harmony. Yes, Right. So if there's no peace and harmony, your communication will definitely switch. Communication will definitely switch, For instance, if you are in you know, battle mode or if you're wanting to have a conversation where you come out the victor. You're probably going to be listening to respond instead of listening to understand.
Speaker 1Yeah, it's a big communication pitfall.
Speaker 2Correct. So you know, I've had conversations with you where we have been harmonious and the things that you have said and the things that I have said have been received Right. But when we are in a battle mode, right, when we are looking more for justice and less for peace, then, um, then we're both armed, right. And when we're both armed, we're not listening to, to communicate, we're listening to respond so that we can take a blow and then blow back, pick a hit and hit back.
Speaker 1And really, silence is something that can happen when you stonewall or you withdraw, and it's definitely so.
Speaker 2The lack of communication is a relationship killer yeah, so either or either you either talking, you either listening to respond instead of listening to understand, or you're going to kind of withdraw entirely and silence isn't just the absence of words, it's the absence of connection.
Speaker 1So the silent treatment is often used as a way to like punish or control, but it really creates a lot of dissonance and distance and, um, it never really can lead to uh resolution.
Speaker 2That is correct. Uh, and, and I always say that, um, you know, when you are communicating, you're communicating without a short, communicating without a sword and a shield. When you are coming into a conversation and you have a lot of heat and you want the conversation to go in a particular way, that's where the sword and the shield come out. And then, once that comes out, you guys are both, you know, arming yourself, because nobody wants to be hurt.
Speaker 1And when you do the silent treatment or the stonewalling, it triggers anxiety and insecurity in your partner and it makes them feel unheard or unimportant. For women, they feel unsafe and then they close up. And then you know the joy of being a woman is to be free and flowing and we need to feel safe. A woman is to be free and flowing and we need to feel safe. And then, for men, they will feel if their partner is giving them the silent treatment. They feel unseen and then they look elsewhere to be seen. So over time it just can erode trust and intimacy and it really creates an emotional disconnect that's hard to repair. So avoid the silent treatment at all costs.
Speaker 2And one of the other killers of that silent treatment is bottling up your emotions, right. So if you are having a conversation for peace, right, you need to put all the cards on the table, because there are parts of you know. If you're having a hard day at work or you're dealing with some, you know, emotional trauma from the past or whatever it is, the longer you hold on to it, the more it festers.
Speaker 1Right.
Speaker 2Right, it's not, it's energy. It doesn't just go away, it stays there. So, if you want to go through the, you know the transmutational process you have to process, and that's where you know communication comes in, because if you are stonewalling, your partner is stonewalling. You guys aren't listening to understand, you're listening to win a conversation. Then, of course, you know, expressing yourself will be more and more difficult, which of course, was going to lead to bottling up your emotions and once that happens, things become more and more explosive.
Speaker 1Like if you have an Instapot, it's like putting all of your emotions in there and then it becomes like a pressure cooker waiting to explode and instead of like releasing, like you know, the like pressure cooker valve and like steams everywhere, instead of that, like you know, it just keeps cooking. Yeah, so then once that happens, you know, like nobody wants that, like you can alleviate that if you just have some conversations.
The Importance of Communication in Relationships
Speaker 2Well, you know, this is this. This might be a little, a little gross, however it has. I've heard from friends who are hunters who state that when hunting prey or whatnot, what they want to do is you know, when they trap the animal and kill the animal, they want to do it fast so that the animal doesn't build up a lot of anxiety in its meat and then it spoils the meat Super, super gross. However, we also have the same situation in relationships where we can spoil our whole body system with pent-up energy so that when we actually have a conversation with our partner, we're not pure and connected, we are spoiled, right, we're kind of rotten, and having that connection with someone who's rotten doesn't really resonate with peace, which is why you need to communicate on a regular basis. You can't let anything build up.
Speaker 1Yeah. So holding in emotions leads to resentment, which eventually surfaces in passive, aggressive behavior, outbursts or withdrawal. And then suppressing emotions can also lead to physical stress impacting overall well-being. Point blank period. Unspoken feelings don't disappear, they fester.
Speaker 2They fester. And who wants to wade in a bog when you can literally be bathing in a crystalline pool of love with your lover?
Speaker 1Yes. So instead of balling things up, we're suggesting that you can practice these small, honest check-ins to release tension before it builds.
Speaker 2Mm-hmm, and you know now is the time to break the cycle.
Speaker 1Amen.
Speaker 2Now is always the time to do something more positive for your relationship and yourself really.
Speaker 1Yeah, and not to look back in judgment like just practice now.
Speaker 2Practice now. The power of now is beautiful and healthy. Communication isn't about winning, it's literally about understanding.
Speaker 1Yes.
Speaker 2Right, and instead of shutting down, you can use the pause and process approach, right? You know, when you're in the heat of battle and you realize that you're not communicating, you're actually fighting.
Speaker 1And the fight is escalating and it's escalating.
Speaker 2Instead of stonewalling and walking away, you can actually say hey, let's pause and process right, and that will give you enough time, hopefully, to breathe and de-escalate your biochemical processes inside your body.
Speaker 1Right and you can tell your partner like, hey, this pause and process is, like you know, a commitment to revisit when we're in a better state.
Speaker 2Correct.
Speaker 1You know like, go get yourself into a better state. There are times where Mike and I will be talking and I'm like, hold on, I need to go, like stand on the vibe plate, or like jump on the trampoline, or like I need to do something. I need to go outside, breathe some fresh air, like before we have a conversation, because sometimes I know like, oh, I'm not going to bring my best self to this. So yeah, I mean changing your state really is a big.
Speaker 2Yeah, I mean going back to earlier this week. We were making travel plans and anytime we make travel plans it creates anxiety and you know, there's always a reason for anxiety and worry because we live in this planet and we were struggling with, you know, making plans and all that stuff. And then we decided why don't we just dance, right? So we spent 20 minutes dancing in our kitchen. We laughed, we hugged, we kissed afterwards and then, within 24 hours, our travel plans were set.
Speaker 1Yeah, yep. So if emotions are overwhelming, the other thing you can do is write them down first to clarify what you're actually feeling, and sometimes this can be like a venting exercise where nobody you know gets your off gassing of your venting Correct. So you can just, you know, get in your notes app if you want, or take pen to paper and really like clarify what you're actually feeling before speaking it, because sometimes we speak to try to understand ourselves.
Speaker 1We aren't actually even speaking so the other person can understand. And so the other thing you can do if pause and process doesn't resonate with you. You can replace avoidance with vulnerability, saying something like I need a moment, but I want to talk about this. This will keep the door open for communication.
Speaker 2And the open door is critical. At no point do you want to sever that connection because you think that it's going to get better with brute force or whatever. It is always better when you are harmonious and you are open to communication, open to receiving and giving information.
Speaker 1And disconnection leads to discord. And discord in relationships means that you're not really getting the joy out of the partnership. You want the harmony man. You definitely want the harmony. You need more cowbell.
Speaker 2Yeah, you need more cowbell. And the other thing that you can also do is, as you are entering into conversations where you need to be heard or you're making a decision, is to write an intention statement for that conversation. Yep, right, and I think that will also focus both of your guys' energies into a common goal, so it's not more of a vent session where you're pulling in all kinds of stagnant energy.
Speaker 1Yes, and I think, like in our previous podcast episodes, we talk about like, if you wrote that intention and then you shared it with each other. Like you know, there's one, one episode where we're talking about like, what do you want? Oh, I want peace. Oh, and the other person wants peace. Okay, you can share those, those statements. So I like that you reflected back to that. That has been effective.
Speaker 1Oh yeah, for the couples that we work with when we do our harmonization programs, and also it's been helpful in our own relationship. We're always the test guinea pigs.
Speaker 2Yes, Like does this work? There's always all of our clients and then ourselves as clients.
Speaker 1Yeah, and boy, let me tell you Zuri, she is a tough client.
Speaker 2Oh yeah, yeah, most certainly, she's very tough.
Speaker 1Excuse you, I think it's time to play a game. We need to bring in some fun to this show and some application. And the point of having fun and, like Mike talked about going into the kitchen is that studies have confirmed that the hormone oxytocin, when it's involved, it helps with forming attachments. In addition, they have shown that this cuddle hormone can increase trust and has a calming effect, decreasing stress, anxiety and fear when couples do recreational activities together, like dancing in their kitchen.
Speaker 2And podcasting.
Speaker 1Oxytocin levels are elevated and I have to say, like I was frustrated I'm going to use that word because I think that's the closest sensation I was feeling about some of our travel plans and just adjusting things and, you know, doing all the things that come into play when you are booking travel for play and business and because that's how we do it Multiple stops, rental cars, you know everything. Yes.
Speaker 2House care, pet care.
Speaker 1I have to say, like I have support, I have a team, I have people who help me with some of this, but some of it ends up falling on me and then I bring it to Mike and he's just like what, okay, what?
Speaker 2I'm managing my own things, I'm like what, but I recognize that you were definitely struggling.
Speaker 1I needed to feel, I needed to change my vibration, and I wasn't able to do that without some support. So thank you for dancing with me, cause instantly after that I was like, oh, yeah, like, what am I? What am I tripping off of? Like I couldn't even remember why I was so stuck.
Speaker 2Well, you mentioned the word application a couple of minutes ago, and application is everything right, it's one thing to get some information off the internet or in books or in movies and then store it in your bookshelf, but when you apply it, that's when the magic. So you know, I recognize in you that you are having a hard time and I recognize the build and anxiety on my end, because I still need answers and whatnot.
Speaker 2So it's like we can either jump into a conversation when we're both filled with anxiety, when our meat is spoiled, or we could dance, and once we danced we became higher versions of ourselves, and that's where all of the answers are. So we just we broke the cycle by applying what we know.
Speaker 1And that cuddle hormone allowed us to then communicate, like so, if you are struggling in your relationship, another tactic is if you're really just not seeing eye to eye is do something fun together and then try to have a conversation. Yes, like if you're really hitting a dead end and it's just not moving. Do something fun together, whether you know, whatever your fun looks like Ours was middle of February, dancing in our kitchen.
Speaker 2And we had a really good time. Yes, it was hilarious.
Speaker 1Okay, so let's play a game it's called. I Would Rather Okay, okay, and it's going to be a hypothetical, which I know you love.
Speaker 1I love hypotheticals In the beginning of our relationship, mike would always give me a hypothetical of the day and it drove me nuts, but it actually, I think, opened up a lot of conversation. So and like, let us get to know each other. You know, like, knowing things, like you know, what would your superpower be Like? Would you rather blah, blah, blah? And he would ask these questions and I have to say it did generate a lot of conversation. But the only thing I didn't like about it is that he would change the hypothetical midway through my answer.
Speaker 2Yes, because you weren't answering it in a spectacular way.
Speaker 1Okay, that is called criticism. Do not do criticism or you will close your relationship, will suffer and the woman will close up. Okay, you don't want that? Okay, so we're going to play a game. I would rather and it's going to be hypothetical Would you rather, or would you blah, blah, blah?
Speaker 2Okay.
Speaker 1All right. So I've got a handful of questions here. I'm ready. We're going to start with the first one. Okay, Would you rather have unlimited wealth but no Wi-Fi, or unlimited knowledge but a phone that only works on dial-up?
Speaker 2Unlimited knowledge, like I already have all the knowledge. Is that right? Yes, so if I have all, I'm going to go for the second one, because if I have all the knowledge, is that right? Yes, so if I have all, I'm going to go for the second one, because if I have all the knowledge I don't need anything.
Speaker 1Okay, but you would then give up unlimited wealth.
Speaker 2Well, with unlimited knowledge, I can get unlimited wealth. Unlimited wealth comes with limitations. Okay, this is where we differ, based on knowledge.
Speaker 1I'll go for no Wi-Fi and I'll say unlimited wealth.
Speaker 2Okay.
Speaker 1Because you could just be dumb and happy right on the beach. Wait, isn't it? Unlimited wealth but no Wi-Fi? Perfect, Nobody can reach me While you're dumb and happy on the beach.
Speaker 2I'm going to be super happy.
Speaker 1See, this is why we work, yeah.
Speaker 2I'm going to be super happy owning the beach. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1Next question Would you rather be able to instantly manifest anything you want, but only in a public restroom, or have to give a TED Talk every time you want to make a big purchase?
Speaker 2Or have to give a TED Talk every time you want to make a big purchase. I'm going to go for the public restroom one, because I will literally find a restroom that I can lock and it's nice and pretty, and then I'll just sit there and manifest shit all day. Okay, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1Yeah, I would probably go for the first one. Okay, would you rather get $1 million today but have to wear a chicken suit for a year? Or earn $100,000 per year forever but have to work as a mime on the weekends?
Speaker 2A mime. So a million dollars today and a chicken suit.
Speaker 1Chicken suit. So you know $100,000 per year. But then you have to work as a mime on the weekends.
Speaker 2I'm going to go for the million dollars and the chicken suit, because there aren't any definitions in regards to what the chicken suit actually looks like. So for me, I'm thinking, you know, a shirt with chickens on it, a suit with chickens on it.
Speaker 1You know what I'm saying? Bok bok. But that means like in 10 years I could wear a fresh three-piece suit with chicken print.
Speaker 2I'm golden.
Speaker 1So you don't want to work as a mime, basically.
Speaker 2No, I want that million dollars up front. Okay, I don't want to be waiting on $1,000 or 100 grand 100 grand per year.
Speaker 1Forever, though.
Speaker 2I know.
Speaker 1So it's the marshmallow. It's the marshmallow one. You want the marshmallow now or two marshmallows later? Okay, would you rather always be five minutes late to everything this is hilarious, even major life events or always be an hour early but have to recite a motivational speech to a stranger every time?
Speaker 2You know what I swear to God? I am the living embodiment of the first one.
Speaker 1Yes, that's why I laughed.
Speaker 2I'm always five minutes late, but somehow I'm five minutes late and I'm still giving motivational speeches. So it's weird how you just it's either or, but it's always the same.
Speaker 1I think I would rather be five minutes late, because I also tend to be five minutes late. I don't want the motivational speech. Yeah, an hour early, yeah, I don't get the benefits of that one Anytime.
Speaker 2I'm early for something. It's uncomfortable. It's like man. I got here too early. I was like man.
Speaker 1I got here too early. Okay, would you rather have the power to manifest money instantly, but only in the form of loose change, or manifest happiness, but only through interpretive dance.
Speaker 2I'm going to go for the loose change. I'm going to go for the loose change. Wait a minute. There's coin stars everywhere. I would literally just stand in front of a coin star and my pockets would fill with money and I'd put it in the coin star machine and booyah.
Speaker 1So you're going to be hanging out at Walmart or like I don't know. Where else do they have this? You're going to be hanging out there a lot.
Speaker 2After a while I'll probably hire people to change money.
Speaker 1I'm going to do manifest happiness, but only through interpretive dance.
Speaker 2I knew you would. I knew you would.
Speaker 1Give me the happiness Full stop. I'm not no coin star.
Speaker 2Coin star here I come Hero. Cha-ching, cha-ching Okay a couple more.
Speaker 1Would you rather be able to read minds, but it only works when people are thinking about food. Or be able to predict the future, but only 10 minutes ahead.
Speaker 2Definitely predict the future 10 minutes ahead. I'm going to be a lot of winner, probably within the next 20 minutes, as far as the first one. If I was a chef, that would be perfect, but seeing that I'm not a chef in a professional manner, then I'd just be walking around and people would be thinking about donuts yeah you know?
Speaker 1Yeah. Why would you need that? Okay, would you rather wake up every morning with a random inspirational quote tattooed on your arm or have to introduce yourself to new people in the style of a WWE wrestler?
Speaker 2wrestler oh, wwe wrestler right. Hmm, um gee whiz gee whiz do that through the first one.
Speaker 1One more time I'm uh, what do you mean? Do the?
Speaker 2first one. You mean read it again, either or okay.
Speaker 1Would you rather wake up every morning with a random inspirational quote tattooed on your arm or have to introduce yourself to new people in the style of a WWE wrestler?
Speaker 2I'm going to go for the WWE wrestler because I feel like, you know, I'm not like Hulk Hogan, you know I don't have, like these huge, massive arms. So I'd feel like within a month my arm would be all inked up.
Speaker 1You already have a lot of ink in your arm, yeah exactly.
Speaker 2So at what point am I going to be? Like? I won't even be able to see the motivational things because it'll be over old tattoos.
Speaker 1You know what I'm saying? Okay, well, introduce yourself then as the WWE wrestler. Who would you be?
Speaker 2Well, back in the day, I don't want to you know. Back in the day.
Speaker 1Back in the day. Back in the day.
Speaker 2Don't do it Back in the 80s. Careful. My favorite was Macho Randy man Savage. You talk like this, brother. You know what I'm saying. My name is Michael Storr and I'm here here to coach you. Now get your ass in the shape.
Speaker 1So that's how you'd introduce yourself. Yeah, that's pretty much, but like what? What do you do? What's your? What's your wrestling ability?
Speaker 2well, I would definitely rip off my shirt okay and I would be like covered in grease and oil. That would look like sweat, but it would be, you know, oil and grease. And yeah, I would, just, you know, walk up and with some fucking dope ass Speedos.
Speaker 1You know some tassels on the Speedos you know big old tall wrestling boots.
Speaker 2I'd be a, I'd be a menace.
Speaker 1Tall wrestling boots. I'd be a menace Tall wrestling boots. I'd be a visual menace Can we make an agreement right now that for Halloween 2025, that you are a wrestler that wears a Speedo, with tassels and wrestling boots.
Speaker 2You're going to have to take me somewhere where it's warm then, because I ain't doing that shit.
Speaker 1No, we will, we will. We'll go to the warmest place. We'll be in Ibiza. Okay, yeah, ibiza's good and you are going to. Then I'll be a wrestling chick and this will be interesting because I might have to start getting muscly.
Speaker 2You can be the scorecard chick.
Speaker 1The scorecard chick. The ring girl, the ring girl. Wow, I got demoted quick. No, I'm going to take you on. What are you talking about, randy Savage? Okay, well, that was a fun game and see how, if you play a game with your partner, you can learn something about them. I pretty much knew that you would go for the ones that you went for. These are just random things on the internet that I found, so I didn't come up with them.
Speaker 2This tends to be how we drink coffee together, how we have tea together, how we travel together, which is these random questions to get each other laughing, and a lot of times when we do that, we're actually letting go of emotions. Right, we're laughing things away, and then we can bring things up in a, you know, heavy things up in a humorous tone, which definitely lightens the load.
Speaker 1And the way we speak to each other becomes the soundtrack of our relationship.
Speaker 2That is beautiful. Say that one more time. I love that.
Speaker 1The way we speak to each other becomes a soundtrack of our relationship. So is it in harmony or is it in discord? It all comes back to this harmonization practice that we have together. It's like how, how do we want we get to choose? Like, how do we want to live? Like certainly I could be critical nonstop of Mike, and then he's going to be like, oh, I don't want to be around that, or he could be critical of me, or we could withdraw and hold things in. But instead it's much more fun just to be in harmony, correct and to figure it out.
Speaker 2And your relationship is a mirror, right? It's a mirror of who you are. So if you're wanting to see change in your partner, you have to change first. If you're looking in a mirror and you want your reflection to smile, you don't wait for the reflection to smile, you smile first. And in regards to communication, communication needs to be a daily habit, right? Not a last resort. It's like brushing your teeth you don't brush your teeth once a month because you get cavities.
Speaker 2You brush your teeth every single day, so your communication habits need to be on par.
Exploring the Silent Treatment and Its Impact
Speaker 1And the other thing is that you need to have a daily check-in. I love that you said that and I love that you're pointing out how to have that daily check-in. If the daily check-in is the person just bitching the entire time, obviously that's not enjoyable and it is exhausting for the person that listens. And also if it's the man listening to the woman complain. Men just want to make their woman happy, Like that's their goal. They want their woman to be happy.
Speaker 2Happy wife, happy life right.
Speaker 1Right, and so if they want that, and all you're doing is complaining all the time, thinking like, oh well, I'm getting it all out, and it's like, yeah, but you're also dumping. And then it's also like when you probably aren't feeling good. So then your partner is never really seeing you in a loving, happy, blissful state, correct? So then they feel like, oh well, like I've lost the battle here, I can't make her happy. And you hear that a lot in our couples is like I don't know how to make her happy anymore, and it's not the job of the partner, it's the job of the person to make themselves happy. So we have this one question that is the title of our show that we find really helps bring the conversation together. So sometimes when you do approach each other, you're like you know there's different needs that you might have of, like why you're looking to connect, and the question is do you want to be helped, heard, helped or humped?
Speaker 2That is so simple. It is so simple.
Speaker 1Because we need something from our relationships. Like, we often approach a situation with a need in mind and sometimes we get confused and think like, oh, I'm just going to complain for an hour straight and instead, like you could, you could just ask your partner when they come to you and they look distressed or they look like they need something. Or you're like, hey, let's have a conversation. And it's like, hey, let's start this with what. What are your needs? Like, do you need to be helped? Do you need to be heard? Do you need to be helped? Meaning like, if they say, yes, I need to be helped, help them sort through whatever the problem is, whatever the challenge that they're looking to overcome, or humped. Like, honestly, sometimes we just women, we just want to be held, sometimes we just want to complain, which means we want to be heard, and sometimes we just want, like, intimacy and connection and having the freedom to say that, like, this shit's going to change.
Speaker 2And going back to the application process, right, when you're in the heat of the battle, you can either express yourself and be heard and be understood, or you can expect your partner to know what you need.
Speaker 2And when you expect your partner to know what you need, what you're doing is you are setting yourself up and him or her, your partner for uh, for, for failure. Right, because no one's a mind reader, right? So if you are sitting with all these mixed uh emotions and you expect your partner to know what these emotions are and then to provide you with the necessary H, you're setting yourself up for disaster and all you need to do is communicate, right? You just need to say hey, I need X, y and Z. Right? I had a hard day. Can you just listen? I had a hard day, I need to be held, I had a hard day, I need you to take me up to the bedroom and toss me around a little bit, right, like you could just say that and it would be received and understood, versus you smack in the middle of the conversation and someone's like and your partner's like what are you actually needing?
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2I have no idea what you're needing, because I'm providing you with help, but you're not needing help.
Speaker 1And confusion leads also to discord. So it's like, you know, if the goal for the man is to make the woman happy and the goal for the woman is to be like, seen, and they want their husband to feel seen, then you know like the ground rules are different, right, the ground rules have to be communicated fully and like what do you actually want from this conversation and the intention, right? So I love that. You said that we have a bonus exercise that is linked in our show notes, called heart to heart, and it's 22 questions for love, laughter and connection. It's part of this game changer plan that we have that we do in our harmonization program.
Speaker 1So the goal for connection is sometimes you just need help with the questions. It's good to have questions in the mind, it's good to play this, would you rather? And these hypotheticals and have fun with your partner. But also, if you want to deepen the connection, you want to deepen the understanding of your partner, but also if you want to deepen the connection, you want to deepen the understanding of your partner, take these heart-to-heart questions and try them out and let us know if they were helpful for you. There's a PDF. You just have to click the link in our show notes and you will get access to it.
Speaker 2Booyah. Now keep in mind that Booyah Booyah, it's a game changer, right. Great relationships aren't found, they are built one conversation at a time. Ooh, yes, I love that it's like a foundation, it's like a house.
Speaker 1Yes.
Speaker 2You don't start with the roof, you start with the foundation. You start with being able to express yourself, being able to understand your partner, being able to understand yourself, knowing that hard times will come and they will go, and they are not there to break you. They're there to make you even stronger.
Speaker 1Right, and this is why experts always say, oh, the best relationships are founded on great friendships, and I think that's because the expectation is removed where it's like, oh, like, are we going to hook up, Like you also kind of, with a friend, like, yeah, you hope they like you back, you know. But there is more, just the desire to communicate and to like build a friendship Right, and so I think that that is part of the secret sauce for us too. I found that we like each other, we're buddies, you did mention something.
Speaker 2When you start a friendship or any type of relationship, most of the expectation is removed. Most of what you're experiencing is the expression Watching her express herself, me, watching myself express.
Speaker 1You know, it's the discovery process, it's the exchange and it's like just an energy exchange that doesn't have like, oh, is this going to be the, you know, father of my children? Or, like all of these crazy pressures that we put on an actual relationship, like something that is going to sustain, you know, a lifetime, a lifetime partner, like we remove that and that's just not there.
Speaker 1So I think take our challenge. Our challenge to you is to do the heart to heart 22 questions and I guarantee you you are going to laugh, You're going to feel a deeper connection and you're going to fall back in love with your partner. If you are feeling like, why am I with this fool? So one thing I want to say is that our question of the week is also a challenge. Will you use the opportunity to connect with your partner or disconnect further?
Speaker 2It is your choice, and one will lead to a positive outcome and the other to a negative outcome.
Speaker 1Right.
Speaker 2Right, and what we're talking about also is habits, like habitually. What are you doing in order to add more communication into your relationship?
Speaker 1So we've given you held, heard, helped or humped, and we've given you these 22 questions and then, just to recap, if things are not working, you're not communicating well, change your state, tell them like, hey, I need a moment. You can do the pause and process, approach and have fun with your partner, like we're meant to be here in a state of joy. That's where the word in joy comes from. So we hope that you got so much value out of this and that this is going to strengthen your bonds and commitments to the people you're in relationships with your bonds and commitments to the people you're in relationships with and you know.
Speaker 2until next time, empower each other, communicate with love and keep growing together right, it's a growing process.
Speaker 1Yes, and we are sending you the highest vibrations.
Speaker 2You are held.
Speaker 1You are loved.
Speaker 2Hey, what age are you actually looking for right now?
Speaker 1Right now I'm looking for the age of happy. Oh, that's not one of them.
Speaker 2No, it's not.
Speaker 1I'm always looking for the happy.
Speaker 2This is the application process right.
Speaker 1For the application. If you and I were sitting down right now, I would go for a little cuddle, so held.
Speaker 2I personally want to get humped Shocker, so I'm not sure what's going to happen. When will my needs be met? I was kidding, but I think that the more you play with this concept and the more silly we are, the more it works.
Speaker 1Right.
Speaker 2Like right here, right now. That's not something that's one of our problems. Okay, the hump H in our relationship isn't one that is providing us with hard times.
Speaker 1Oh, it's providing us with great the kind of hard times one wants In my opinion.
Speaker 2Usually it's you wanting to be heard and me thinking you wanted to be helped, and not listening to be heard, but listening to help.
Speaker 1And.
Speaker 2I feel like when we do that, that's when we have problems, which is why we should just be like hey, listen, I don't want to be helped, I just want to be heard.
Speaker 1Four H's. What do you want? What do you want, honey?
Speaker 2That's it. And sometimes you know if I'm complaining I should just be like hey, you know what? I don't want help, I just want a hug. And then boom, nice and easy. We just have to express ourselves and not expect the other person to do the work for us. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1What you want, baby.
Speaker 2It's not the four H's and then an M. You know what I mean for mind reading. Oh, I was like what's the M?
Speaker 1That's not in the system. Okay, okay.
Speaker 2Okay, the four H's lead to the fifth H, which is happiness, happiness. Hmm.
Speaker 1I love that.
Speaker 2Kisses.
