The Empowerment Couple
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The Empowerment Couple
Boundary Medicine: How to Heal Burnout, Anxiety, and Energy Leaks With One Word
The medicine your nervous system has been waiting for might just be a simple two-letter word: "No."
When was the last time you felt that familiar tightness in your chest after agreeing to something your body was screaming against? Your body remembers every "yes" that should have been a "no" – and those misaligned agreements manifest as anxiety, fatigue, resentment, and even physical ailments.
In this revelation-packed episode, we reframe boundaries from confrontation to compassionate calibration. Boundaries aren't walls keeping others out – they're medicine that regulates your nervous system, creates energetic clarity, and cultivates radical self-love. The science backs this up: a 2021 review linked chronic people-pleasing with anxiety, somatic symptoms, and emotional burnout. This means saying "no" isn't rejection – it's recalibration.
Through practical examples and our "Building Better Boundaries" game, we provide concrete scripts and strategies for implementing boundaries that feel authentic and sustainable. Learn our five boundary medicine prescriptions: saying no without over-explaining, tuning into somatic cues, creating preset boundary scripts, establishing energetic protection, and conducting weekly boundary check-ins. These practices don't just prevent burnout – they actively restore your health, focus, and freedom.
The truth is that boundaries don't push people away – they keep you from abandoning yourself. They're "the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously." What sacred "no" are you ready to speak this week? Your nervous system is waiting for this medicine, and we're here to help you administer it.
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So I'm doing this cleanse right. As you know, my stomach grumbles and I have to run to the bathroom. We're not going to talk anymore about that.
Speaker 2:No, Good thing, the toilet doesn't have boundaries.
Speaker 1:God no more ma'am, no more. I'm doing a spring cleanse. I'm on an AIP spring cleanse and it's rough.
Speaker 2:It's more than rough, it's ragged. Luckily I'm not doing it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm doing it. And, hi, my name is Zuri. I'm doing a cleanse. Hi, zuri, is that? What I'm noticing is that my body is resetting itself and it's making me more aware of some of the things that are. I haven't said no to yeah, and like your organs have boundaries yeah.
Speaker 2:And your organs have been telling you no, no, no, yeah.
Speaker 1:So it's like no caffeine, no sugar, alcohol, which I don't I'm not a drinker, but still um it's. You know. No stimulants like, nothing like you can't take coffee, ginseng or anything nothing right, um no, no green tea, like I'm talking, no caffeine and you're going monk, full monk I'm going full monk and I'm on day four and and they always say, oh, the first two days are the worst, right? Yeah, yeah, like first three for me so far. Um, we'll see. Tb, tbi, no, tbc, to be continued oh, I don't know what tbi means.
Speaker 2:I I just said it. I don't know.
Speaker 1:To be introduced.
Speaker 2:Sometimes my tongue doesn't have boundaries.
Speaker 1:No shit. That's so true. As the editor of this podcast, I concur.
Speaker 2:The boundaries are bound. You're talking about going against your own boundaries. I have gone against my own boundaries so much that now my biggest boundary is like I can't go backwards, Right.
Speaker 1:Well, okay, so I was getting to a point though. Yeah, I hear you and I agree, and this adds to that. So what I've been feeling is that, like my body you know, like the caffeine part of it, for example, like I had headaches and stuff you know the typical things when you cleanse and I've realized like my body isn't really tired, there's emotional things that are boundaries, that like like if I wasn't feeding myself well, like yeah, it's boundary baggage, but also boundary starve, like I haven't been feeding myself the right boundaries.
Speaker 1:Therefore, I'm noticing in my cleanse like oh shit, like I need some nutrients here. So like that's why I'm saying like boundaries are medicine, they're like the sweetest, most delicious medicine. If it's a no, the universe is going to provide a way forward for you. Welcome to the Empowerment Couple podcast, where your path to self-mastery expands.
Speaker 2:My co-host is empowerment coach Zuri Starr.
Speaker 1:And he's expansion coach Mikey Starr.
Speaker 2:Together we are the Empowerment Couple.
Speaker 1:Our mission is simple to serve you, love, so you can make informed decisions to regain and maintain your personal power.
Speaker 2:We'll take you on a journey to a life filled with purpose, passion and limitless possibilities, while sharing stories of transformation, wellness hacks and healthy habits backed by science and ancient wisdom.
Speaker 1:Plus, we'll keep you entertained with engaging games, banter and funny innuendos along the way. Each episode is an exciting blend of education, entertainment and empowerment designed to help you create a mindset to be a magnet for more love, happiness and abundance.
Speaker 2:Together with our special guests. We are dedicated to sharing information that empowers you to create your most beautiful life. A one Z in the two Z in the three Z your most beautiful life.
Speaker 1:I got nothing. I got nothing. You're supposed to say something. I forgot. I forgot, I think, one of my long lifelong lessons that I am really embodying, not just learning, but, like now, embodying are boundaries.
Speaker 2:That is one of the best things that I've ever heard you say. I have seen you battle boundaries for decades. Seriously, it's one of the hardest things to do out there, but it's a life giver. It really is.
Speaker 1:Yes, and so today we have done a different show on boundaries, called Boundaries Over Burnout, which was like the precursor to this show. So this is kind of a part two in a sense, because we're going to talk about the healing power of boundaries, which is going to take it a little deeper. So if you needed another excuse to just fucking say no, we got you.
Speaker 2:Yes, and you know what? Keep in mind boundaries are not bad things, right? Boundaries are beautiful, beautiful things that you can establish within whatever relationship that you have to have a better relationship. You're going to say something, honey. I was trampling on your boundaries.
Speaker 1:So think of boundaries. In this episode we're going to talk about the healing power of boundaries, not as walls, like a lot of people think of them, but as nervous system regulation, energetic clarity and radical self-love.
Speaker 2:I love that radical self-love.
Speaker 1:It really is going to reframe boundaries from confrontation to compassionate calibration, and we want to explore how setting aligned limits can literally restore your health, focus and freedom. So should we get into it?
Speaker 2:Let's get into it.
Speaker 1:So what if saying no wasn't rejection but repair? What if boundaries were the medicine your nervous system has been waiting for?
Speaker 2:Then I will take that medicine over and over and over again. Yeah, because one of the things that happens.
Speaker 1:A pattern that I see in my life is saying yes a bunch and then being stressed about the yes yeah system. Response is like you know there's a no when somebody asks you for something and you know it's a no, but you betray yourself and you abandon your no and you say yes. And then you say yes out of some type of Obligation. Yeah obligatory reasons or-.
Speaker 1:Bad pattern, or it could just also be that an instinctual response that's part of your subconscious from childhood, for example. If you do this with somebody from your childhood, you can look at that and realize like, oh, that's just like what I had to do to survive, or that's just what I had. That's who I had to do to survive, or that's just what I had, that's who I had to be to fit into the family dynamic, or something like that. So really, the point of confronting this is because we want to give this a new take on all of it. Right, yeah, and so today we will be expanding on boundaries over burnout and diving deeper into how boundaries aren't just protection. They're healing frequencies and spoiler alert. Boundaries are how you teach your nervous system and others what love really looks like and how to handle you with care.
Speaker 2:And it's a shame that boundaries aren't taught regularly in schools, because it would literally open up everyone to have a more harmonious relationship with other people. Right, but we get instilled all these bad boundaries at the beginning of our lives and then we spend a good chunk of our lives trying to reset those boundaries. But boundaries is most certainly medicine.
Speaker 1:Yes, so why? Let's talk about why boundaries can be medicine. The nervous system and boundaries go hand in hand, and that's something that I've learned in this phase and started embodying is that healthy boundaries can reduce cortisol and they can bring the body out of chronic stress cycles and I have a chronic stress cycle that I have repaired recently, and so I can speak with authority on this and I want to tell you that without boundaries, your nervous system stays in hypervigilance, which is your fight flight fawn, and so we need to make sure always that we are understanding what boundaries are and how to set them and how to use them as medicine.
Speaker 2:So, like medicinally speaking, you're talking about reducing your cortisol, and that is huge, right? So how often have you found yourself in a stressful situation that you said yes to that? You should have said no to yeah, right? So you stack those things up and all of a sudden, you have a habit of trampling over your own boundaries, which will most certainly have a negative impact on your body system. So, yes, I think that a proper boundary will also instill that you keep your body in a better regulation.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah, so boundaries can be messages of safety to yourself and to others. So that is how you want to reframe the conversation, the internal conversation, back to self-love. There's this study, a 2021 review in Frontiers in Psychology linked chronic people-pleasing, which is like a fawning trauma response, with anxiety, somatic symptoms and emotional burnout. And so, just thinking about that for a minute, how many times are you saying yes when it's a no, or how many times are you trying to please someone else to fit their approval? And the takeaway from this is that no isn't a rejection, it's a recalibration.
Speaker 2:I like what you said in regards to that 2021 study about the things that are linked with it. Anxiety, somatic symptoms, emotional burnout All three of those could be catastrophic on your nervous system. Burning out is such a perverse way of doing business and a lot of people will see burnout as part of the process of doing business when, in fact, with proper boundaries, you may not even have to experience burnout right.
Speaker 2:So, yes, may not even have to experience burnout, right? So, yes, there's all kinds of medicinal effects by just instilling some proper boundaries. And when those boundaries are not established, those unclear boundaries will have a way of manifesting in the body.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:I mean. So let's talk about segment two, how unclear boundaries actually manifest in the body right. So when our boundaries are being trampled or we don't have boundaries in place, fatigue, resentment, anxiety, you can develop gut issues. You have chronic headaches. There's a term called emotional dysregulation.
Speaker 1:Yes, let's talk about that.
Speaker 2:So emotional dysregulation. You'll see when someone is brought a scenario and their response to that scenario is going to be way beyond what the normal response is going to be. Either they're going to overreact or underreact, because they don't have the opportunity to regulate their response right. It's going to be whatever they're feeling at the time and if they're already burnt out they're not going to have the opportunity to express themselves at a level that they can find it's going to be unregulated.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so what it looks like is impulsive behaviors like yelling or substance abuse. It looks like chronic irritability, like just angry all the time or acting frustrated or really sensitive or defensive, difficulty calming down Mood swings. It's very much like extreme emotional swings, so the reaction doesn't really fit the situation.
Speaker 2:Exactly, and typically, when I see something like that happen, I'm like, oh man, this person's having a bad day or they're having a blowout, and it could be that they just don't have proper boundaries to keep their body regulated.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and the main thing that you'll see come out of this emotional dysregulation is avoidance or suppression, and that's what leads to all kinds of problems, but a lot of times addiction, and the causes are childhood trauma or neglect, attachment disruptions, chronic stress, neurological differences, like ADHD, for example, mental health conditions, so people who have like depression or anxiety or bipolar, and it matters, because if you leave it unaddressed then it can affect your relationships, it affects your self-esteem, your physical health and it can lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms, like we said, addiction and burnout.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and you know, burnout often stems not from too much work but from too little protection. And the protection are those boundaries, right? So without that protection, you are opening yourself up to all kinds of problems that are going to roll out in the future. So boundaries are a cue to others about how to treat you and to yourself about what you value, right? So if you value yourself, you will have boundaries.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Right. So now keep in mind that your body remembers every. Yes, that should have been a no, ooh Right, it remembers every-.
Speaker 1:Say that again. Your body remembers every yes. That should have been a no.
Speaker 2:And let me tell you on one hand- that is so true On one hand. I have all five of those yeses. That should have been a no Like. Oh, I should have said no to this. I should have said no to this, no to this.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they kind of flood through. When you said that, I was like, oh, say it again, let me say it with you.
Speaker 2:It's kind of scary. It's kind of scary, but it's also so simple. Right, setting a boundary is not difficult.
Speaker 1:You just have to do it. I think we should play a game, because I think let's put this into action.
Speaker 2:I agree and with that being said, what are we playing? We are playing Building Better Boundaries.
Speaker 1:It's just like it sounds, yeah, yeah. Well, the purpose of this game is to learn, is to build better boundaries.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, how did you know? Look, look, don't ruin it for others, right, we know that you are a boundary-building badass Right, we know this about you yes. But we want to help those who are new to building boundaries.
Speaker 2:Okay, okay, Okay so, again, the purpose of this game is to learn how to implement a boundary in real time, right, when it's actually happening. Okay, so, to ease the strain of setting a boundary, here are some basic rules, right? So begin with a firm no, no. It could end there. No, ho, no is a full sentence, as you said, right? What do you want to?
Speaker 1:say about no's. Yeah, no is a complete sentence.
Speaker 2:No is a complete sentence, right. So in building boundaries, less is more, right, so the boundary can end with a no. But if you feel like you need to say more, here are some examples Right, you can say no, I'm unable right now. Or no, I'm currently booked. No, Thank you for thinking of me. Or no, Next week will be a better fit. Something where you're not apologizing Right, be a better fit. Something where you're not apologizing right, it's not you trying to apologize for your actions, because you don't have to apologize for a boundary right. You also have to know your limits, so you had to check your energy before answering a question for a boundary right. So sometimes a no, maybe a yes, based on your energy right, and also be confident and assertive. You are doing a good thing by setting a boundary. So if you say no like oh no, it won't feel and have the same effect as no.
Speaker 1:I think, when I first started out saying no's, that I would always apologize oh sorry, I can't. That I would always apologize, oh sorry, I can't.
Speaker 1:And like because I wanted to maintain a likability because I was afraid of the reaction. That's the reason why people don't say no is they're afraid of a negative reaction or, in certain instances, I was afraid of being pressured into saying yes after saying no multiple times as a woman, if you know what I mean. So the boundary setting for women is much different than it is for men. So if you're in your feminine and you're saying no, you have to say no a little bit more balanced, so that you have masculine and feminine coming out, because otherwise you're going to be like no, I, I just no, it's okay, you know well, when I, when I, when I think, of saying no with a smile on your face.
Speaker 1:You know, no, no, I'm fine, thank you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, when I when I think of of either the divine feminine or divine masculine, I see them both as confident and assertive.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:So, if you are confident and assertive, you will be playing to the divine side of your energy, be it masculine or feminine. So I'm going to ask you five requests, right, and I want you to give me a non-boundary response, okay, and then a response where you are holding your response, okay, and then a response where you are holding your boundaries.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:And you are affirm. No less is more. Know your limits and be confident. Okay, so first one. I know that it's Friday afternoon, but can you generate these performance reports for Monday's AM meeting? Thank you very much.
Speaker 1:Okay, so my former Zuri that didn't know how to set boundaries would be like yeah, no problem.
Speaker 2:And then your weekend would have been spent not gardening or having fun, but sitting in front of your computer.
Speaker 1:Even though it was like fuck no, you know what I? Mean the response is like fuck no. But the email back is like fuck no. You know what I mean. The response is like fuck no. But the email back is like yeah, sure, no problem, no worries, got it, I'll do it.
Speaker 2:What's a better response?
Speaker 1:A better response is no, I'm at capacity, and that doesn't align with my plans for my weekend time off.
Speaker 2:That's perfect. So next one the family is getting together tonight for dinner. Can you make your signature mushroom burgers?
Speaker 1:Hail to the no-no, to the no-no-no. You know that sound yes.
Speaker 2:You're going to tell your family? Hell, no, they're all salivating. Like your burgers do take time, which is why they're super good. And you have to be in the right mindset.
Speaker 1:Listen, linda if I don't have them already frozen in the freezer. It's a hell. No, that's not a last minute. Can you come over and make you know a meal that takes three hours? No, I would say nicely. I would say no, I can't because I don't have any frozen and I don't have the time to create the recipe from scratch. But I would love to make them for you next weekend.
Speaker 2:Nice, I like that. That's a nice response, because it's not a no, it's a not right now.
Speaker 1:Not right now. A no, it's not, a, it's a not right now, not right now, and I think that then, especially as you are looking to keep your relationship solid, a not right now response is sometimes the best response, because sometimes, like, if they're asking you for something that you also enjoy, like I also enjoy that, so yeah, but I do think it would be funny to have a hail to the no-no. Just like you know voicemail for like the spam calls I get, or like for the endless amounts of DMs that I get, and it's just a person or just me coming up with like my finger there. Hail to the no-no.
Speaker 2:Or that soundbite from Succession Fuck off, yeah, fuck off, okay. So the next one, number three you get a call from anyone asking you can you pick me up from the airport. My flight arrives at 5.30. It doesn't matter if it's 5.30 in the morning or 5.30 in the afternoon. Those both times totally suck. So what would you do?
Speaker 1:Who is this? Who's asking me this? Just anybody. You said anybody, Because the context changes, but here's what I would say to somebody who would be like yeah, I'll order you a car or something, but I don't know what if you can't.
Speaker 2:What If you can't? Well, I would say no, I or something, but I don't know what if you can't, what If you can't Well.
Speaker 1:I would say no.
Speaker 2:I'm not saying like you get a call from your dad and hey, can you pick me up at the airport. Yeah, sure, I'm talking about when you physically can't, but you feel obligated to do so, and then you jump through a bunch of hoops and you do so.
Speaker 1:No, there's like car services everywhere is everywhere. I would just say I'll call you a car service because I can't, if I couldn't, if I could and I wanted to, I could say sure, what happened to, like I might ask some clarifying questions. Like you didn't plan this homie, there wasn't a like, a thought about your return. I probably would, you, you know, mess with them a little bit. But um, no, I think like if, if somebody needs me like a family member you already know this, I show up.
Speaker 2:So yes, but it's a boundary.
Speaker 1:I also, I also show up with a full car picnic and like that is true water and like do you need to stop? Do you want? Do you want to take a shower? There's this gym, you know, like I'm just over there I like your response.
Speaker 2:Right your response. Do you need to stop? Do you want to take a shower? There's this gym. I'm just over the top. I like your response.
Speaker 1:Right, your response is yes, you want to serve, but what if you physically couldn't? If I couldn't, then I'd just say no, I can't. But here's my suggestion, because I've flown into that airport and here's how you can get to my house, or here's how you can get to this hotel. I would offer a solution.
Speaker 2:Say no, I can't, but here's a solution.
Speaker 1:Nice, okay, and I wouldn't feel bad that I couldn't, because obviously, whoever's asking me for a flight pickup on the same day I don't even know, like, do you know my schedule?
Speaker 2:At five 30 in the morning or five 30 in the evening? Do I wake up early or do I sit in traffic?
Speaker 1:Probably what I'd say. I'd be like hey, mike, go pick up my dad, yeah exactly, or no?
Speaker 2:oh, that's today. I thought it was yesterday. You have to find someone else, Alright, so the next one.
Speaker 1:I would delegate it. With all things on your list Automate, delegate, eliminate. I would delegate that one.
Speaker 2:So you and I, we have a deep love affair, right, we do anything for each other. It's Friday night, you're tired Is?
Speaker 1:this part of the game.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Friday night you're tired. I look at you and I say, honey, my feet are killing me. Will you grind my bunions again? Bunions you don't have bunions? Yes, but if I did have them, would you grind them for me?
Speaker 1:Grind. You don't have bunions. Yes, but if I did have them, would you grind them for me? Grind your bunions. I don't even know what's in Like. I need a YouTube video to see what I'm agreeing. Yes to.
Speaker 2:Grind bunions. What would be your inappropriate boundary response For? Grinding my bunions honey, I want you to say yes, yes, yes, master what?
Speaker 1:else do you want, like? I want you to say yes, yes, yes, master, what else do you want, like, what are you going to say yes, I'll do anything for you.
Speaker 2:Yes, as someone who wants their feet grounded, grinded down, that would be a response. But what if you didn't want to do it?
Speaker 1:Well, I don't know what it is so like. If you're talking about like calluses or something, then I would say I would say yes, if I had the energy to do it.
Speaker 2:Or I would say I can do this at this time okay but I don't know what grinding bunions are, so I'm still like okay, well, what if it was popping pimples on my butt, cheeks, would that be a hell? No, or that be a a hell. No, no, no or that be a sure thing I would delegate that.
Speaker 1:I'd be like, hey, who out there who likes popping pimples? Some people have a pimple, popping, kink would you? I don't have that kink.
Speaker 2:I would say no. Would you accept it or would you manage your boundary?
Speaker 1:First of all, if you said I have pimples on my butt, I'd be like, hey, here's this stuff, you should use this stuff on your butt, and I would probably be like I would look for a solution for you that did not require me to touch your butt pimples, let me just tell you right now it's a no, honey, nope. There you go Nice and easy and a improper response would be like sure and the entire time like gagging next to your butt.
Speaker 2:Okay, that is correct. Sometimes also we'll say no, but we'll give all these elaborate answers that will make the other person feel bad. And we're not trying to make the other person feel bad or good, we're trying to protect our energies. So when someone else is in pain, as you know, or they're having a hard time, a solid no is nice. It's cut and dry.
Speaker 1:But if you ask me for help with anything on your body, I would say yes, but I would look for the solution of how you can take care of your butt so that they don't get pimples, or you can take care of your feet so they don't get bunions, like that's how I would approach it. That's good for my energy and also good for your body. So that's all I'm saying is that I would say yes because I'm married to you and you asked me a hard question about bunion grinding.
Speaker 2:Okay, I'm like what the hell is this? Actually, I have a visual of me laying on my belly and you putting pimple patches on my butt.
Speaker 1:Yeah, have a visual of me laying on my belly and you putting pimple patches on my butt? Yeah, I think I would do that. Is that? Yep, I could do that, no problem. How about right after never?
Speaker 2:Right after, never Right after dinner, we can handle your butt pimples. Okay so, and some of the boundaries will happen when you want to have a conversation but you just physically can't have a conversation. So if I came up to you and you were at wit's end and I was like, hey, we need to talk about what happened this morning, like right now, and you couldn't talk about it, right now Because of schedule or whatever, just emotional set point. Whatever yeah?
Speaker 1:Say I don't think that's a good idea. No, thank you.
Speaker 2:That's perfect. What would be your inappropriate response?
Speaker 1:Fuck you. You better call Tyrone yeah call him, but you can't use my phone. You can't use my phone. Okay, no, carry on, he's going to start singing.
Speaker 2:And this concludes Building Better Boundaries. I hope that it will help you in the future as you utilize your boundaries to maintain your health and stability.
Speaker 1:Yes, so you can say no to pimple popping on butts. No, I mean hey, listen.
Speaker 2:I will pop the pimples on your butt because you got a pretty butt.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but I don't have pimples on my butt. Well, speaking of hygiene, let's talk about success hygiene, because boundary setting is success hygiene. And here's how it protects your creative bandwidth If you say no to things that are a no. Um. It prevents emotional codependency, because then you're not like totally maxed out and burned out and looking for somebody to be your crutch um. It filters aligned opportunities I.
Speaker 2:I think all three of those are really, really powerful. But I want to focus in on the whole protect your creative bandwidth, because I feel like that's huge for a lot of our clients. Right, we have a lot of high output clients and when they are true to themselves and they protect their energy and they utilize their boundaries, they have full access to their creative powers. But a lot of our clients aren't doing that.
Speaker 2:Right, a lot of their clients are saying yes to things they shouldn't say yes to and therefore, when they're looking at their productivity, they're scratching their heads like why can't I reach that level? Why can't I connect with that creative idea? It's probably because your bandwidth is so constricted by all the negativity that you're holding in your body because you're saying yes to things you should say no to.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I have a client that doesn't turn off her phone you know, and so she's constantly on call.
Speaker 1:And I explained that to her and I was like are you a nurse? Because if you're not a nurse, you're not on call. And so if you are a coach, you're not on call as a coach. So you have to set your office hours, you have to set your time, you have to set your focus blocks and make certain times your time. Nothing else comes in between you and that specific focus, and that makes a huge difference. So I like to say to my clients if you want to scale your life or your business, scale your boundaries first.
Speaker 2:And they have to be first right, Because it's like training a dog right. The longer you have the dog, an old dog doesn't learn new tricks, right? So if you're meeting some new client from the very first time, and your boundaries are set from the very beginning, you probably won't have any problems because that boundary is going to show you and that other person how you guys want to do business.
Speaker 1:And I'll spare all the details, but it happened to me last week where I had to interact with somebody as part of a thing that I agreed to do and I didn't have to interact with that person, but for some reason I kept interacting with that person and I just simply asked the people in charge, like can I just interact with you? And an earlier version of me wouldn't have even asked for that. But if it's not an energetic alignment or if it's draining your energy, when you are looking to get an outcome from the situation, it's okay to say I'm not really aligned with that person and know like your energetic response is your boundaries, kind of screaming yeah and saying like, hey, my body clinches up when I'm around this person, my body doesn't rest, my body feels like it's going to be under attack of some sort, and sometimes it's like people have nervous energy and they act really weird around you. That's not a good match for me if I am looking to regenerate or looking to heal.
Speaker 2:What you said makes me feel like the whole filtering aligned opportunities. That's exactly what you did. So there are always opportunities coming at you and it's up to you to say yes to some and no to others. And and when you say yes to the ones that mean that resonate with your body and no to the ones that do not, it allows you again to have more healing, more bandwidth, more connectivity, more of what you're actually seeking.
Speaker 1:This is also why you and I have applications to work with us, because there's an energetic sequence and signature that everyone produces, even in a form. You can see things like how they narrate, you can feel what they're feeling same with like applying to be on the show. You know it's like if there's an energetic frequency, that's a match. It's okay to say yes, this is and no, this is not a match, correct, and there are plenty of yeses and nos that you're going to experience as any type of business leader.
Speaker 2:And let me tell you, you will be doing, whoever you apply the boundary to, a massive favor by that boundary.
Speaker 1:Right. So because, yeah, nobody wants to be around you if your energy is crappy. Exactly so. It's like it's a win-win. Everyone wins if you know how to align yourself energetically.
Speaker 2:And we all know those individuals who are literally like doormats right, they have no boundaries, they get trampled all over and they spend their time complaining about how much people trample over them when they themselves don't have boundaries.
Speaker 1:Right, and they're creating it. And then you create more of it and you create more people like that when you are complaining about it. It's a whole thing that cycle absolutely has to be broken, correct. So let's talk about boundary medicine prescriptions.
Speaker 2:Ooh, prescribe me a boundary.
Speaker 1:So we're going to give you five prescriptions from Dr Zuri and Dr Michael, everybody on board with us, metaphorically speaking, of course, because I am no doctor. Number one is say no without over-explaining. On board with us, metaphorically speaking, of course, because I am no doctor. Number one is say no without over-explaining. This is just bringing it back to what I always say let no be a full sentence. This reduces all of your nervous system stress.
Speaker 2:And it also makes it nice and easy because, again, a no could literally you can say no and then rest in the enjoyment of saying no, that's it, you're done. You can also use somatic cues. Basically, your body is letting you know whether or not something is right for you. You have your body's yes or no switch in your gut. That gut feeling will let you know if something is right for you. You can also do muscle testing. That is a quick way of testing whether or not your energy is in alignment with whatever it is that you're being asked to do.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So that was number two, because your gut knows before your mouth does. So trust your gut. That's what people mean. You get that little feeling like, oh, I don't want to do that. Trust it. Number three is preset boundaries and safe times. So I like to do this. This has been really helpful for me.
Speaker 1:There's a couple people who like to boundary creep. I call them the boundary creepers. It's that I have some preset boundary scripts. They're just like little one-liners so that I can A stay consistent and also I don't have to think about it. When it's a no, I can just copy and paste it, whether it's like a text or a Slack or an email.
Speaker 1:Back is that I have that ready. For example, I don't take calls after this, or these are my office hours no, I can't. These are my office hours, or I'm at capacity Can't do that today or something like that, and that really helps me. And also, like I have my team say that for me sometimes, because it's like that's a no, there's no way I'm doing that. Because it's like that's a no, there's no way I'm doing that. And it's nice. You know, people ask and it's okay that they're asking sometimes, but oftentimes it's those boundary creepers you need to have a set script for so that, A you don't get triggered and get into the emotional spiral with them of like, no, I'm going to defend myself and don't you see how much I'm doing for you, and you get into this like hurt body victim conversation where you can just be like, oh no, here's my script for that person. That person always wants to trample my boundaries, so here's what I have for them. It's like signage.
Speaker 2:Exactly. We have a neighbor who we love, we totally love, but he is a talker, right. So when I go over to his house I always say, hey, I got about 20 minutes. I have a quick question for you, right? Or I'm going to drop something off at the mailbox in just a few minutes, but I want to chat with you, right? So I'm letting this person know in advance that I have a time limit to this conversation and if that doesn't happen, 40 minutes will pass and we'll still be talking about whatever he decides to talk about yeah, and in business terms, like you know, you can say, like I have a hard stop, Like if you know somebody is going to take advantage of their time.
Speaker 1:You know, like you can set the hard stop if that works for you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, if you're dealing with a family member that you're not really wanting to have a call set a time, hey, let's have a conversation between 9 and 10 tonight.
Speaker 1:Right, right. Okay, so next prescription.
Speaker 2:Next prescription is energetic boundaries, which is exactly what we're talking about. Right? So visualize a protective field around your body, right? So when you're having conversations, you want to generate a feeling of calmness. Right, and that will also help you recognize when those boundaries, when you need to actually utilize one of those boundaries, and you can do so in a calm and collective manner. Also, journal, right? So journal what's yours and what's not yours. So, as you are going into these conversations, when you journal the emotions that are yours and the emotions that are someone else's, then you know if something comes up, you know what it is right. You're not going to be surprised if you suddenly feel an extreme pressure to say yes, when in fact, that extreme pressure isn't yours, it's someone else's, right? So kind of-.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because, like maybe you're people pleasing. So, like knowing what's yours, like what you're bringing to the table and what they're bringing to the table, maybe what issues that they might have, and vice versa, you can create a protective field. Yeah, correct Number five would be boundary check-ins weekly. So this is where you sit with yourself and you say, you ask, you ask yourself self, what drained me this week and what do I need to reinforce? And so, going back to the scripts, there was a situation a couple weeks ago. See, guys, I am your test product.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, boundaries are a never-ending.
Speaker 1:Boundaries are never-ending, especially if you are very busy. It just comes with the territory and if you're in high demand, it's a never-ending, especially if you are very busy. It just comes with the territory and if you're in high demand, it's a never-ending boundary.
Speaker 1:I recommend not answering messages when your boundaries get trampled in a major way on a holiday.
Speaker 1:I recommend don't do that because a version of you is going to come out that is going to be defensive, angry, frustrated, a version of you that you wouldn't have said if you were balanced and if you were relaxed and if you would likely laugh. Right, it's interesting how certain times that your boundaries get trampled, you, you know, have a different reaction. You know sometimes you like laugh and then you respond with your script. Other times you're like this motherfucker, you know what I mean and I want you just to respect that you're not always going to be in that place. So it's good to you know, not react and to find a proactive way to handle any situation. If somebody is just being, you know, like just outright obnoxious with their requests, you can set a firm boundary without losing your energy, because you will lose energy if you negatively react, because there's fallout and there's repercussions, so to speak, for every type of negative time that you dip your energy low and you express that to someone, there is going to be a negative reaction.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you brought a very.
Speaker 1:Negative equals negative.
Speaker 2:Yeah, negative plus a negative is a negative. You brought a good point. And boundaries don't necessarily always have to be a verbal response, right, sometimes boundaries is not checking your work email during the weekend, right? Not picking up the dinging on your phone that you know the minute you start checking those messages you're going to have a negative reaction, right? So again, going back, you want to check your energy, right and say okay, so I'm getting these emails. Sometimes not picking up that phone or not responding is your best boundary.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yep, non-reaction can be a boundary, exactly. But really ask yourself, on that final prescription note is like what really drained you? And oftentimes you'll find that it was your response that drained you, because sometimes you'll self-betray, sometimes you won't show up as balanced as you would like, or sometimes you'll self-betray sometimes you won't show up as balanced as you would like, or sometimes you can even burn bridges. So really just check out what drained you. Sometimes it's not the person asking you to do the thing, it's how you responded to their requests.
Speaker 2:I want to see how you answer this question. Do you need to set boundaries with yourself?
Speaker 1:Everybody does. Yes, of course, because boundaries what we talked about in our first episode boundaries over burnout is that you need to set your own internal boundary for your habits, how you conduct your day, how you set times to stop, how you manage your time, those types of things. And going back to like the emotional dysregulation that happens when you don't set boundaries for yourself. So if it's okay to you know, flip out, then you will. If it's okay to you know, drink a fifth of vodka, then you will. You know what I mean. It's like the pattern can be I don't even know. Is that right? Fifth vodka? I don't even know, I don't know I'm not a drinker.
Speaker 2:I don't drink fifths or vodka, so I'm good. No fifths, no sixths, no sevenths.
Speaker 1:I'm like, I'm like I gotta phone a friend on that one, anyway, but the point is is that you have to have your boundaries for yourself, and how you treat yourself is a reflection of how others will treat you Correct. So you set the standard. If you set the standard for yourself, then everyone will follow, and sometimes how this gets wonky is that you have these relationships that carry with you throughout the years whether it's a client that you've had, a longstanding client, or it's a partner, longstanding marriage, or it's a childhood friend or a parent is that your boundaries change because you change Correct, and so then you have to reset boundaries, and that's why these scripts and these prescriptions that we gave you, these five prescriptions, are going to help you.
Speaker 2:Just stay as healthy as fucking possible when it comes to boundaries, and that's why these scripts and these prescriptions that we gave you, these five prescriptions are going to help you just stay as healthy as fucking possible when it comes to boundaries, and now is always the best time to set or create a boundary Now. You do it now, and if it's you creating scripts, that's perfect. If it's you setting boundaries with yourself and being okay, no more, I'm not going to pick up the phone, I'm not going to scroll on social media, I'm going to go outside, start it now. And what that's going to do is it's going to create a pattern of setting boundaries.
Speaker 2:You are going to get used to it, and the people who you're setting boundaries are also going to get used to it.
Speaker 1:Right and your relationship with yourself is so valuable, so important, and oftentimes your saying no to someone you think is going to create what Like, what's the biggest fear.
Speaker 2:You know that would be something that we could ask yeah, like when it comes all down to it like you saying no.
Speaker 1:What does that mean? The person is going to not love you.
Speaker 2:It means your self-worth is on the line.
Speaker 1:But the truth is is that people that respect you and love you and know you, know, know you will really respect that you're setting a healthy boundary for yourself and they'll be proud of you. You know, because it is challenging, especially like in society, we aren't taught this, but I want to reiterate that boundaries don't push people away. They keep you from abandoning yourself.
Speaker 2:That is so true.
Speaker 1:And so the boundaries, I would argue, create the quality of your relationship and your life is based on the quality of your relationship, and the most important relationship is the relationship you have with yourself.
Speaker 2:That is correct and I will say this is that from a person. If I were trying to get something or someone to do something that I want them to do, and they have said yes over and over and over again, they're telling me that I can push this person beyond their limits, no problem. And if I need something done, and this person always gets it done, even though it breaks them in half, I'm going to ask them anyways, because I'm going to get what I want.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:So we're all trying to get what we want, and the only way that you're going to get what you want I'm going to get what I want is if we have proper boundaries.
Speaker 1:Yep. So here's a good quote Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously. Perfect, that's perfectly said yeah, okay, so let's end with a journal prompt. What's one sacred? No, you're ready to speak this week.
Speaker 2:One more time.
Speaker 1:What's one sacred? No, you're ready to speak this week. One more time what one sacred? No, you're ready to speak this week. I love that, and is it a sacred no to yourself? Is it a sacred no to someone else? Is it something that you really feel like? Ah, if I just. Is it a societal no? Where are you drawing the line for yourself?
Speaker 2:That's insightful. I'm actually going to write that one down myself.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, this is your journal. Prompt Michael. All right, All right. Empowered Posse, we are sending you the highest vibrations.
Speaker 2:You are held.
Speaker 1:You are loved so.
Speaker 2:And you know what? What's interesting is there's no prescription medication for boundaries.
Speaker 1:There could be there should be, there should be.
Speaker 2:I mean, how nice would it be to get a prescription and open it up. And it's boundaries. Someone says, hold on, I need you to do this, hold on, you open up your little pill.
Speaker 1:No, that's it, boundary gummies.
Speaker 2:Excuse me, I just took my no medicine. It's a no bro.
Speaker 1:It's a no bro.
Speaker 2:It's a no gummies, exactly A no gummies. Hey, we've got to be quiet.
Speaker 1:That's a good idea.
Speaker 2:That's a good idea. Someone's taking notes. No gummies Done. I love it.
