Flow vs. Force: The Hidden Reason You’re Stuck (And How to Shift)

Ever felt like you're pushing a boulder uphill despite doing all the "right" things? The hidden reason behind your stuckness might be simpler than you think – you're forcing what should be flowing.

This eye-opening episode dismantles the glorified hustle culture that has many of us trapped in cycles of burnout and frustration. We reveal how your nervous system actually blocks what your mind is trying to force when it doesn't feel safe, creating a biological roadblock to your goals and dreams. Through personal stories and practical examples, we illustrate the profound difference between the draining experience of force versus the sustainable nature of flow.

You'll discover clear signs to recognize when you're operating from force – like chronic fatigue, desperate energy, and overthinking every decision – versus the expansive feeling of flow, characterized by clear decisions, synchronicities, and joyful focus. Most importantly, we provide actionable strategies to shift from force to flow through nervous system regulation, embodiment practices, values alignment, rest and play, and the practice of surrender and trust.

The Navy SEALs wisdom "slow is smooth and smooth is fast" takes on new meaning as we explore how sustainable progress comes not from pushing harder but from finding your aligned pacing. Whether you're building a business, navigating relationships, or transforming your health, this conversation offers a refreshing alternative to the "no pain, no gain" mentality that leaves so many depleted.

Ready to experience the delight of making progress without the struggle? Listen now and discover why "alignment is your leverage and flow is your fuel" – your path to creating momentum without resistance awaits.

Transcript

Introduction to Force vs Flow

Speaker 1 0:00

You know you actually scared me with the whole. Would you dance with yourself on flow?

Speaker 2 0:07

On force.

Speaker 3 0:07

On force On force?

Speaker 1 0:09

Absolutely not.

Speaker 2 0:09

I mean, I might actually fear for my life, but that's how your current partner would feel Exactly. Your current partner, me aka me, this cute little redhead over here. That's how I would feel dancing with four-state Mike.

Speaker 1 0:26

He's trying to dip me when I want to be dipped. He's trying to spin me when I'm trying to spin. He's stepping on my feet. Maybe he has a woodrow, maybe he's got crazy eyes. Maybe he has a woodrow and he's not supposed to have one. He's like come on, bro, like stop it. You know what I mean.

Speaker 2 0:40

No, it's more like crazy eyes and angry at the world, that person you don't want to dance with right.

Speaker 1 0:47

No.

Speaker 2 0:47

Okay, so me in fourth state. Would you want to dance with me in fourth state?

Speaker 1 0:53

No, no, I don't want to dance with you in fourth state. No, you don't want to do anything with anyone in fourth state. Right, because there's an element of violence that I would prefer not experiencing.

Speaker 2 1:07

Right. So that's how you're interacting with your spouse currently.

Speaker 1 1:11

Yeah, or your business, or your business.

Speaker 2 1:14

But also what's most important and the foundation of all of this is that's how you're interacting with yourself, bro. Don't interact with your self in a way where you are dancing in force state on yourself with yourself. That's not a partner you want. Welcome to the Empowerment Couple Podcast, where your path to self-mastery expands.

Speaker 1 1:41

My co-host is Empowerment Coach Zuri Starr.

Speaker 2 1:44

And he's Expansion Coach Mikey Starr. And he's expansion coach Mikey Starr.

Speaker 1 1:46

Together we are the Empowerment Couple.

Speaker 2 1:49

Our mission is simple to serve you, love, so you can make informed decisions to regain and maintain your personal power.

Speaker 1 1:56

We'll take you on a journey to a life filled with purpose, passion and limitless possibilities, while sharing stories of transformation, wellness hacks and healthy habits backed by science and ancient wisdom.

Speaker 2 2:07

Plus, we'll keep you entertained with engaging games, banter and funny innuendos along the way. Each episode is an exciting blend of education, entertainment and empowerment designed to help you create a mindset to be a magnet for more love, happiness and abundance.

Speaker 1 2:23

Together with our special guests. We are dedicated to sharing information that empowers you to create your most beautiful life. A one-zine, a two-zine, a three-zine your most beautiful life.

Speaker 2 2:41

I got nothing. I got nothing, you're supposed to say something. I forgot. Okay, we're going to be talking about force versus flow. Are you ready for this?

Speaker 1 2:56

I am, and before we begin, I would like to let you know that the first time that I really felt flow in my life was when I met you and I fell in love. Love was flow to me and everything else in my life was force. I was forcing my way through a lot of challenges in my life.

Speaker 1 3:20

And then I met you and you were falling in love with you was flow. And then I met you and you were falling in love with you was flow. So when we have conversations about flow, I always feel like flow is love. Flow is that light feeling. So I'm excited about this conversation because I love flow.

Speaker 2 3:39

I love me some flow. Okay, well, we're going to cover the hidden reason why you're stuck and thank you for sharing about the flow oh, you're so welcome. I'm still absorbing it. I'm still like, oh, that's so sweet to think about that.

Speaker 1 3:53

Give you something to chew on.

Speaker 2 3:54

I think that's interesting, because when you fall in love, you have to let go a lot.

Speaker 1 4:03

Yes, that is correct and things are happening for you, even though you're like what's happening? This is not my plan. What is this that's?

Speaker 3 4:12

flow yeah.

Speaker 2 4:14

And also you're so excited and it's like everything you're asking for, but yeah, if you're not ready. So it's interesting. I have to think about that deeper. You made me like pause. I'm like, oh, we'll do the show and I'm like, wait, wait, let me think about this and we've been together for quite some time.

Speaker 1 4:34

We're coming up on our anniversary, niceness um, which means it gives me an opportunity to look back at the time that we have spent together and I see clearly where a relationship would have a hard time, and it was typically when one of us or both of us were in force. And force and love doesn't work right. Flow and love. So you know we're also talking about productivity. Productivity is self-love, right, so it has to be flow.

Speaker 3 5:09

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 5:10

Yeah, basically this is going to speak to you. If you've been hustling hard or you're like checking every box, maybe you're making like a total life transformation. Like a total life transformation, or you've hit, maybe, a burnout.

Speaker 1 5:28

No, that's highly likely.

Speaker 2 5:29

Or you are feeling stuck and maybe, like you know, not moving forward, or maybe it just feels like you're doing all the things and then your dreams are like are still super far away and you haven't made any progress. Super far away and you haven't made any progress. So that's what it looks like when you are experiencing a lack of flow and a lot of force.

Speaker 1 5:53

Yeah, and you're not broken right, you're not lazy. You may just be forcing what should be flowing.

Speaker 2 6:01

Yes.

Speaker 1 6:02

Right, you know, and anyone who's out there trying to manifest things, you can't manifest your highest life in a state of force. Right, your alignment is really your leverage.

Speaker 3 6:14

Right.

Speaker 1 6:15

So if you are in alignment, flow is there. If you're not in alignment, you're going to have to force your way through it and that's where you have burnout and all kinds of problems.

Speaker 2 6:23

Yeah, and a lot of times I talk to my clients about leverage, like if everything is going wrong, I'm like, oh well, then you're going the wrong way. Use that as leverage to go in a different direction yeah. Or you have kids, for example. Kids are great leverage to not give up, right? Yeah. But alignment being your leverage is another way to look at it. That it will move you forward faster. So there's different ways to look at leverage. Your alignment will actually propel. It's more like a propeller. It will propel you into a place of flow.

Speaker 1 7:02

Correct.

Speaker 2 7:03

So today we're unpacking why you feel stuck despite your effort, how to spot force versus flow and how to shift into aligned momentum.

Speaker 1 7:15

I love that aligned momentum.

Speaker 2 7:17

Let's go.

Speaker 1 7:17

And if anyone who's ever tasted aligned momentum, it is delicious. When you find that sweet spot, that flow spot, it's most certainly worth rearranging your days for to experience again.

Speaker 3 7:32

Yes, totally.

Speaker 1 7:33

So let's talk a little bit, as you know why you get stuck.

Speaker 2 7:38

Yeah, why are you stuck?

Speaker 1 7:39

Yeah. So force really is doing something from fear, rushing through it or trying to prove yourself or to solve a high-pressure experience Like you're about ready to lose your house. You're going to have to force your way through this right, and flow is doing it from alignment right. So you're tapping into your presence, you're trusting into the universe. So if you are stuck in a high stakes scenario, the first thing that you're probably wanting to do is force it. But that is the wrong way, right? So it might be that you're stuck because you forgot that there's a second route.

The Hidden Reason You're Stuck

Speaker 2 8:25

You'll know force from language like I got to get it done, whatever the it is, or I got to save the house, like your example, and then flow, you'll know from I feel aligned to do this. The language you're going to hear is like I feel aligned to this experience. I feel really happy in the moment and this is what it feels like to you know have accomplished this thing.

Speaker 1 8:53

Yeah, these problems are opening up these opportunities. Like, oh, okay, it's a different way of thinking about it.

Speaker 2 8:58

And what I like a lot is when I feel that fear come on, is like just telling myself I trust the process of life, like life, life is always working out for me and just unpacking that fear with my phrases that I know will keep me out of that mind loop hell. When you're stuck, it's often because your nervous system doesn't feel safe to expand. We've been talking so much about nervous systems and I think that and we did talk about, like you know what, the whole stuck thing and the rut to reinvention. You know we have focused on some of these because these are the common patterns that come up in our client practice and these are the things that we have also experienced for ourselves that if you don't master those areas where you know how to heal your nervous system, you know how to be present, you know how to get into flow state, what's your way of getting into a state where anything is fucking possible?

Speaker 1 10:04

Centered calmness.

Speaker 2 10:05

Right. If you can't do that, then all of the other bigger things that you might be wanting to do are going to be unobtainable.

Speaker 1 10:14

Yeah, like going through quicksand.

Speaker 2 10:15

A couple quick factoids for you.

Speaker 1 10:17

The American Institute of Stress states 77% of people experience physical symptoms from stress, much of it tied to hustle culture and chronic forcing see, that's that proves the point that I was just making is that a lot of people, when they come into these scenarios where they have to make a move really quickly, they think that, um, hustle is the only route to take, right force is the only route to take because, um, you know a, they see so many people doing it and they feel like, well, you know if, if Roger's going to do it and Peter's going to do, I might as well do it. Um, but when Roger and Peter end up in the hospital, uh, because they forced their way through it, uh, you could actually be sitting on a beach because you used flow.

Speaker 2 11:02

Right, because it also comes back to like what happened in your childhood, where somebody had a value of some type of hustle culture. Most of us have had, um, you know, a a childhood where you were programmed by something in society that made you feel like you had to hustle. You'll sleep when you're dead, like these types of phrases. Right, all of that's force.

Speaker 2 11:30

None of that is like pay attention to your emotional set points and see what feels good to do. None of it was like listen to your inner guidance. No, none of that. That has to all be silenced and shut down in order to experience a forced life, correct. And so if your family valued hard work, for example, like we were talking earlier today, mike and I went on like a five mile walk and it's like if you prioritized being a hard worker and that was the value set, that was the highest place you could reach as a child and set by a parent, then you're going to have a lot of force experiences where you can't just pay attention to where you're naturally gifted or you're naturally drawn to because you want to achieve and earn and have this.

Speaker 2 12:36

I'm the best worker at whatever job and it's like that is going to create a ripple effect in your life. So it doesn't mean it takes over. It means you can take your power back from it once you acknowledge it and realize where it came from.

Speaker 1 12:52

Yeah, and I feel like what you were saying in regards to have it be an early childhood experience is that once that happens, it embeds itself in your nervous system, right, right?

Speaker 2 13:03

Yeah yeah, we talked a little bit about polyvagal theory in one of our previous episodes, but that is basically. The nervous system needs safety to enter social engagement and creativity.

Speaker 1 13:17

Like that last bit.

Speaker 2 13:19

The creativity part is crazy, exactly. Because most things that you want to do as an entrepreneur and we have a lot of coaches and entrepreneurs and my coaches a lot of corporate CEOs and it's like that creativity part you think it doesn't matter even if you aren't in a creative field right.

Speaker 2 13:41

But it does, because strategy is then creative. Like how creative are you with your strategy? How creative are you with your um, putting even just your work day together? How creative are you with your team? Like creativity is massive, so the nervous system needs safety in order to enter social engagement and creativity. But you're not stuck because you're not working hard enough. You're stuck because you're forcing what requires flow.

Speaker 1 14:13

You're going in the wrong direction and I like what you said. It's just a different approach.

Speaker 2 14:18

You just have to approach it differently.

Speaker 1 14:21

In regards to the whole creativity, yeah, a lot of my clients are, you know, high level creatives. And you know, when I say creativity it doesn't mean just, you know, painting or drawing or any of that stuff. When we seek answers to solutions, we are tapping into the same part of the brain that is creative, right, we're getting downloads from source part of the brain that is creative, right, we're getting downloads from source. And when you keep yourself from that type of flow where you have all answers at your fingertips and you try to do it yourself, your problems literally will kind of start packing up on themselves right.

Speaker 1 14:58

You're going to get backed up because there's no flow.

Force vs Flow: Recognizing the Signs

Speaker 2 15:01

But if this is totally new to you, don't worry. We're going to help you diagnose force versus flow and if you decide that you want to go deeper into this world, this is one of my foundational principles that I teach. So welcome, you're in good hands. You're in good hands.

Speaker 1 15:20

So let's talk about signs that you are in force, right. So if you're experiencing chronic fatigue, you're in force, right. If you're feeling urgency or desperation to get something done, I'm not talking about, you know. A sense of urgency is great, but that desperate part of it that usually will knock you out of creativity and put you right back into force, Saying yes out of fear and not desire. Yes, Right. So do I really want this job or not really?

Speaker 2 15:51

Or do I really want to say yes to something that I know is a no and that I'm just afraid that the person is going to no longer want to work with me or whatever the fear is? Whatever the fear you've attached to you, saying no or setting a boundary, that's force.

Speaker 1 16:08

Mm-hmm. A common one is overthinking every decision.

Speaker 2 16:12

That's force.

Speaker 1 16:13

Right or even hustling, without results.

Speaker 2 16:18

Yeah.

Speaker 1 16:19

Hustling is one thing, but when you hustle without results, it literally means you are going in the wrong direction. Yeah, it means that you're pretty are going the wrong direction.

Speaker 2 16:24

Yeah, it means that you're pretty much going in a circle, yeah, and that's super frustrating, for and that's usually the words that I hear oh, it's so frustrating. I'm doing, you know this, this and that, and I'm not making any progress. And it's like okay, because you're approaching it with force instead of flow. So here are some signs you're in flow Feeling spacious while taking action. Clear decisions, even if bold, where you just have a guttural like this is a yes, or this is a no.

Speaker 2 16:57

And then you pay attention to it like, honor it. Like if you get that clear, bold feeling, honor it, because then you won't betray yourself and then you won't be in a situation where you're used to betraying yourself. So you stop listening to the intuitive hits, because men and women get intuitive hits of like, oh, I shouldn't do this, yeah, and then they do it. And then guess what? You're literally cutting off a part of yourself that has an ability to know the right direction, to go, working with joy and focus that's a sign that you're in flow. Synchronicities and aligned opportunities that's massive.

Speaker 1 17:37

I love that because it's literally an energy game right.

Speaker 2 17:42

Everything is.

Speaker 1 17:43

You're saying yes, finally In flow. You're saying yes, so the universe is like oh, you're saying yes, Well, here you go.

Speaker 2 17:49

Exactly, and why people get stuck a lot is they are seeing synchronicities, and in negative things you know where they're like oh, it's a sign I shouldn't be doing this and it's like or it's a sign that you should, but like if you've been ignoring your internal compass for so long or self-betraying, or you know there's a bunch of different psychological ways to express it. But if you aren't listening to yourself, then you're not going to notice synchronicities. The days where I'm in the most flow, I'm like everything is a synchronicity, everything is like an aligned moment of like crazy magic.

Speaker 1 18:34

Correct.

Speaker 2 18:35

And those are the days where I'm usually like calling my mom or a family member or like journaling, or I write a song because I'm just like this happened and then this happened, and then I saw this and can you believe this? And I'm so excited. It's the way all of us actually are wired when we come in, but we lose some of that because we force ourselves not to feel.

Speaker 1 18:58

This reminds me of a time a number of years ago when I was in corporate and I was recruited. Someone called me and they were recruiting me and I didn't see that as an opportunity. I was fearful and I thought it was my company testing my loyalty and the opportunity was divine. I was like, oh my God, this is great, but this might be a trick, and I got real fearful and then I missed real, real fearful. And then you know I missed that opportunity, yeah.

Speaker 2 19:30

Yeah, and I've caught myself in times where I'm out of alignment and something seems too good to be true and like there's that phrase oh, if it seems too good to be true, it probably is, and actually what I've experienced is the opposite. So whoever did that great, who said that and programmed a bunch of us to even know what that phrase is?

Speaker 1 19:49

I think it was Lucifer who said that, yeah, good job, good job, buddy.

Speaker 2 19:52

But it's actually the opposite. Sometimes things seem too good to be true because they are exactly what you've asked for, but we reject them. So are you rejecting? You probably are in forced state. In forced state you're probably rejecting, because you're like oh no, get this fucking scammer away from me Like whatever.

Speaker 1 20:16

So yeah, if you're-.

Speaker 2 20:17

This is a trick.

Speaker 1 20:18

Let's say you're on the street, you're in a good mood, someone walks up to you and gives you $100 and you're like, oh thanks. But if you're skeptical, right, if you're fearful, and someone comes up with $100, you're like no thanks, what do I have to do for this $100? Right, there's always a catch. There's always a gimmick.

Speaker 2 20:34

Is it laced with poison?

Speaker 1 20:35

Exactly so. You're going to reject it based off of your fears.

Speaker 2 20:39

Yeah, yeah, and that's like a wild example for sure, but like, let's give like a real life example.

Speaker 1 20:46

Okay, what do you got?

Speaker 2 20:46

Let's say you are a coach, right, because we have a lot of coaching clients.

Speaker 3 20:53

Yeah.

Speaker 1 20:57

Let's say, you're a coach and somebody says to you okay, mike.

Speaker 2 20:58

Somebody says to you hey, I just lost my previous coach and I'd like to hire you for the year. I need to decide quickly. Here's what I used to pay my other coach. Will this work? Because that's what I have in my budget and let's say it's five times higher than what you've been paid. What do you say?

Speaker 1 21:22

Yes.

Speaker 2 21:23

And do you feel guilty? Do you feel unworthy? Do you feel like, oh my gosh, am I going to have to provide five times more of the value? Do you feel like, oh, this can't be true, because why wouldn't everybody else be paying me this? Any of those thoughts come in.

Speaker 1 21:43

No only because I'm currently in a good mood right, I'm currently in flow but that it does bring up a good, a good conversation, because there are times in my life where I'd be like, ooh, like, like, can I really, you know, when the self-worth kind of couples up if you're neck deep in wounds, you're like, uh, you know, and then what happens is you'll probably say yes to it, but then, energetically, you'll fuck it up.

Speaker 2 22:08

Yeah, that kind of thing has happened to me and I'm just like, oh, thank you, universe, I guess I need to raise all of my prices.

Speaker 2 22:14

And so I see it as that instead of seeing it as like, oh gosh, I'm not worth that much and that's a waste of money. Or I'm not worth that much and like that's a waste of money, or like I, how am I ever going to deliver? You know, like they were unhappy with a coach that they spent that much money on and they will never feel that way with me, right? And so when those synchronicities happen, it's like divine alignment.

Speaker 1 22:40

Yeah, that's a gift so okay.

Speaker 2 22:42

Another sign that you're in flow calm, energy, even when moving quickly. This is like a superpower. This is something that you'll feel in flow state, but you'll know you're not in flow state when you're busy and you are cussing him and Han and like you know, like, but motherfucker, like, oh, and this you know. Like you, you are not. You are doing a task and you might even be doing the task well, but you're doing it with force, energy, correct. So force will feel like pushing a boulder up a hill, which is everybody's favorite thing to talk about. Yeah, when's the last time you pushed a boulder up a hill?

Speaker 1 23:23

but it will feel carried boulders up hills, but not pushed it will feel heavy and intense and also like impossible Flow.

Speaker 2 23:34

Feels like riding the current you've prepared for. Ooh, why do we default to force? Why do you think?

Speaker 1 23:43

Oh my goodness, just patterns. Yeah, default to force. Why do you think? Oh my goodness, just patterns. I think we're taught ways of doing this, of doing things incorrectly, because it's just being handed down, handed down, handed down, handed down Cycles.

Speaker 2 23:55

So we live in a culture that glorifies hustle, for sure, right, it also glorifies chaos and busyness, and this is because then they can sell you the products to alleviate yourself from feeling the hustle, the chaos and the busyness. But because it glorifies that, it makes it easy to link our worth to how much we do versus who we are, or how much we know how to be calm or to be in a state of joy.

Speaker 1 24:31

Yeah, I mean, many of us grew up in homes where love or validation was conditional on performance. Yep Right. So we internalize force as safety Right.

Speaker 1 24:42

So I love this quote from the navy seals slow is smooth and smooth is fast yes right and I and you know I'm a former marine and I remember them teaching that concept when they were, when we were, uh, cleaning weapons and things like that, where you want to do really fast, no, no, go slow, be smooth, intentional, intentional and then what happens is you stop making mistakes, right, and there's more of a body movement to it.

Speaker 2 25:12

And that's such a beautiful principle because that's everything in life. Oh yeah, if you think about it like, if you clean the house, for example, which all of us do, even if you have somebody that helps you, you will have to tidy something on your own, unless you have somebody there 24-7,. You have a staff, unless you have that, and if you do good for you, if that's what you love. But unless you have that, you're cleaning something up, and when you're cleaning something up, if you clean the counter too quickly and are wiping really fast, you could knock something over. That's a metaphor for everything in your life with force. With force, you're using quick, negative, angsty, disgruntled energy. With flow, you're using like you might be whistling while you're wiping the counter, you might be feeling like you might be kind of dancing.

Speaker 2 26:12

You got music going you might feel like oh, like gosh, this countertop is beautiful. Like I'm so happy I invested in this instead of this other green formica that they had in my kitchen. Right, you'll be in appreciation. You'll be looking at it like, wow, this is glorious.

Hustle Culture and Nervous System Impact

Speaker 1 26:30

Yeah, and plugging the whole. Slow is smooth and smooth is fast. You plug that into some of your big tasks, right where you want to herp and get it done, into some of your big tasks, right where you want to herp and get it done. That concept reminds us that sustainable progress comes from aligned pacing right, yes.

Speaker 1 26:52

And we are looking for both of those things. We want sustainable progress, right. Even if it's you know, you take a step every other day towards your goal, or every weekend you do something, or once a month you do something. As long as there's some sort of sustainable progress is nice, um, and then I like the concept of aligned pacing yeah, and so, like, just think of this in terms of what all of us have to do.

Speaker 2 27:16

We all have to sleep, which most of us are like why the fuck do we have to sleep? But we haven't evolved out of it, so it's obviously still necessary. And so, since you have to sleep, like, think of sleep as being your aligned pacing Every day you get to start fresh Mm-hmm, but only if you go to sleep, yeah, and only if you get enough sleep, and only if it's quality sleep. And so your aligned pacing is already set up by design. We are literally designed and wired to take a rest, yeah, to take breaks, correct, not to just do. We were not called human doings. We are human beings, human beings exactly.

Speaker 2 27:56

But your nervous system is going to block what your mind is trying to force if it doesn't feel safe.

Speaker 1 28:03

Every single time.

Speaker 2 28:04

So anything that you're looking to make progress on will be blocked. It's like, literally, shaq is right there at the goal. He's going to be like blocking, no, no, no, blocking, no, no, no, no. It wasn't Shaq who was that commercial. Anyway, it's going to be a no, no, no on all of your things.

Speaker 1 28:25

A two, a bug, something, yes.

Speaker 2 28:28

So let's talk about how to shift from force to flow, because this is where you've got the information. You probably know what we're talking about. We've given you enough examples, but let's talk about application. So let's embody this change Shifting from force to flow. Number one would be nervous system regulation. So, of course, we're talking about breath work, we're talking about grounding, we're talking about somatic practices. Some people like to shake, some people somatic practices. Some people like to shake, some people like rebounding, some people like massage. There's so many ways you can regulate your nervous system. Find something that works for you.

Speaker 1 29:08

And it's wickedly important because if you have a regulated nervous system, you make better decisions. The big ones, the small ones, the medium, all decisions. All decisions are made from a place of love and compassion and flow.

Speaker 2 29:24

Yeah, and if you are unable to just sit and be present, then you need to pull out a journal and get rid of some of the toxic sludge that is clouding up your body and your brain, and that can be an activity, but it's all about finding that regulation.

Speaker 1 29:45

Next is embodiment practices. And we say practices, we're talking about things that you kind of do normally, Habits, Habits that you can kind of bring into your existence. And one way to do that is to ask how does this choice feel in my body? Right? Is it tight or expansive? Right, the more you check in when you are, you know, making a decision or you're trying to get things done, the more opportunity you have to choose flow over force.

Speaker 2 30:16

Right and, if it feels forced, pause and recalibrate.

Speaker 1 30:20

Recalibrate Exactly.

Speaker 2 30:21

Yeah, so just adding that, like put it as a notes, you know, in your notes app, or put a sticky note, if you like, pen to paper. But how does this choice feel in my body? Tight or expansive?

Speaker 1 30:35

And if it feels forced, pause and recalibrate. Don't make a decision or take an action when you are in force, because in many cases you will find yourself in a circular pattern or going backwards.

Speaker 2 30:48

Right, or you'll just be overthinking. Which is also force, yeah, okay. So number three would be clarity and values alignment. This is a good check engine light. As we always say, am I doing this from fear or love? Aligned action is done with core values, not societal expectations.

Speaker 1 31:13

So if you have a core value of spending time with your family but the societal expectations are, you know you've got to go out and make money, make money, make money, make money right. Chase the profits. You're going to find yourself vacating who you are Right and putting yourself right in harm's way of living a forceful life.

Speaker 2 31:38

Right, harm's way of living a forceful life Right. And then like, yeah, the answer would be if you were choosing just to work over what you really wanted to do always like. Certainly there's times where you have to make choices that are part of adulting, but if you're always making that choice like you have the wrong profession because you're making it out of fear that you won't have money and the universe isn't on a budget, there's an infinite possibilities.

Speaker 1 32:07

So much money out there.

Speaker 2 32:09

And so much, yeah, so much money. So number four would be rest and play, my favorite.

Speaker 1 32:14

Yes, rest restores creativity and nervous system safety right. Creating space for inspiration Like that is key. That's everything that's going back to you know, if you are in a happy mood, happy things come to you.

Speaker 2 32:33

Yeah.

Speaker 1 32:33

Right. If you are in an excited mood, excited things come to you. If you are in a desperate mood, you are going to attract more and more desperate people experiences situations, because you are what you attract, right.

Speaker 2 32:49

And where focus goes, energy flows and where a lot of the clients that have this stuck conversation a lot are focusing only on what is not working out Correct and they'll send a voxer or a messenger. That's like complaint, complaint, complaint, complaint. I'm a victim, I'm a victim. And it's like listen. If that's where your focus is, then have you spent any time being in a state of gratitude and getting your nervous system ready to be a vessel or ready to be a magnet of that exact thing that you're grateful for? Like your energy is the magnet. It will pull things to you that you may want because you're a match for, or it will repel yeah. And as many times as we say that, I think people don't totally understand that until they start applying it.

Speaker 1 33:47

Yeah.

Speaker 2 33:48

Application is everything. It's not about hearing it a bunch of times, it's about try it.

Speaker 1 33:52

Yeah. Like you know Trial and error.

Shifting from Force to Flow

Speaker 2 33:55

Try it out, tell us what you find. Number five is surrender and error. Try it out, tell us what you find. Number five is surrender and trust. So flow requires trust in timing and your preparation, shifting from micromanaging to allowing Shifting out of micromanaging is so hard.

Speaker 1 34:16

It is so hard because you feel like the devil's in the details. If someone doesn't know this or that, the whole thing's going to fall to pieces. But to allow those things to happen, to allow more creativity to come in, that is the true skill set that you want to master.

Speaker 2 34:40

And also, I think, the trust part is massive, because I will speak especially to women, because all of us that are women experience a lot of situations where we cannot be trusting and where we cannot feel safe and where we don't get to be feminine, because we are in situations where it's safer to be masculine, it's safer to be guarded, it's safer to put up a mask or to not let down your hair, so to speak. And so the trust part is challenging, I think, for women, because they and most of my clients are women because they want to control a situation or have it happen much faster than the universe is going to because, think about it, you're in force. And so if you're in force, forcing the situation to be safe, forcing the situation to be faster, forcing the situation to be on your timeline, all of that control business is all force, energy.

Speaker 1 35:59

Yeah, and I would go so far as to say that for the gentlemen out there, there are men who are stuck in that mindset of yes, man, I have to fucking make this happen. I got to push, I got to push, I got to push, I got to push, I got to push. And for those individuals, I'm like no, you don't have to push right, there's a divine option where you can actually pull in some of the balance within your male and female energies and in many cases, a lot of my clients are stuck because they are too manly to allow the feminine energy within them to come out and solve a problem.

Speaker 2 36:42

Right, like where's the intuitive hits? Correct. And also the imbalances in your relationship can be also about force. Correct, like if you're forcing the energy as the male to be like masculine dominating rather than masculine protecting, then there's no way you're not going to get a woman that is going to force back. Correct, because two people, if one is forcing the other, one isn't flowing. Yeah. Then you become an opposing force.

Speaker 1 37:16

If one is forcing, we're both forcing.

Speaker 2 37:18

Right. So whatever you push on, you know an opposing force. If one is forcing, we're both forcing, right. So whatever you push on pushes back. Whatever you resist, persists, persists. Yeah, exactly. And so if you want your woman to be in a flow state and you want to experience a flowy woman, you have to men hear me when I say this you have to present a safe place for her to be feminine. You have to be a regulated, balanced masculine provider protector. You know all of the stereotypical things that you're like oh fuck, yeah, I already that. But if your nervous system is super rattled, you're not doing that.

Speaker 1 38:00

Yeah, and if you're doing it, and if you have done it in force for the bulk sum of your life and you're now starting to feel the effects of force on your body and your mind and your relationship. Now is the time to make that switch right is the time to make that switch right from a force to flow Right, and it's not difficult.

Speaker 2 38:22

Because, okay, so flow is not passive. This is where people think it's like it's not passive, it's active trust. Yeah, it's active, like I trust the universe, I trust you know, if you believe in God, whatever you pray to, you know believe in Trust. If you believe in God, whatever you pray to believe in, it's that blind faith that you have that I'm going to trust that it's going to work out. Like I said, I trust the process of life and then it's aligned action and then regulated expansion, where you are writing down the things know. Hey, this is working for me. This is not like you're doing the work.

Speaker 2 39:00

That's how you get to regulated expansion.

Speaker 1 39:03

Yeah, you're asking yourself these questions over and over and over again.

Speaker 2 39:11

And not the questions that are like why am I like this? Or oh, it's you know victim where, oh, it's that person's fault that's going to get you in that circle. It's that check.

Speaker 1 39:19

You know how am fault that's going to get you in that circle. It's that check. Am I doing this from fear or love? It's an easy question to ask, and when you ask that on a regular basis, your body is going to tell you yes, right, it will give you a clear sign.

Speaker 2 39:30

Okay, so quick game.

Speaker 1 39:31

Okay, here we go.

Speaker 2 39:32

You want to play a game?

Speaker 1 39:34

I love games.

Speaker 2 39:35

All right, so this is Force vs Flow. Let's go Okay. Okay. I'm just going to read a scenario and you're going to rapid fire. Tell me whether it's Force vs Flow. Okay, one or the other Got it Okay Sending 10 cold DMs in a panic.

Speaker 1 39:53

That's most certainly Force. I mean, you had me in panic Go ahead.

Speaker 2 39:56

Okay, creating content when inspired. And consistent. That is flow Inspiration is flow, Saying yes to another project despite already being exhausted, spent and like it should be a no.

Speaker 1 40:10

You had me in exhaustion. I'm going to say that is force.

Speaker 2 40:14

Moving your body with joy before a big call or recording a podcast.

Speaker 1 40:18

That is 100% flow. You got to move your body with joy before a big call or recording a podcast. That is 100% flow. You got to move your body.

Speaker 2 40:23

Motion requires motion Checking your phone immediately upon waking.

Speaker 1 40:30

That is a forceful habit. That's nasty.

Speaker 2 40:33

Yeah, okay, meditating and setting an intention for your meditation first.

Speaker 1 40:38

That is the gateway to a life full of flow.

Speaker 2 40:41

So force drains, flow sustains.

Speaker 1 40:46

Oh, let's say that one more time.

Speaker 2 40:48

Force drains, flow sustains.

Speaker 1 40:53

And I look back at my life and I remember every single time when I hit rock bottom and I felt drained.

Speaker 2 41:00

Yes.

Speaker 1 41:01

And I was like dude. I did all this work and it didn't work out. That is 100% force.

Speaker 2 41:07

Yes. So alignment is your leverage, and flow is your fuel.

Speaker 3 41:13

I'm going to say that again.

Speaker 2 41:14

Alignment is your leverage and flow is your fuel.

Speaker 1 41:17

I love that alignment is your leverage and flow is your fuel. I love that and let me tell you if you are an entrepreneur, you understand what resistance is and feels like and you also know what momentum is right. So force is rooted in fear and it creates resistance where flow is rooted in trust and creates momentum. So, again, another way of determining where you are in the force versus flow right, if you are resisting, you are in force, right, trusting. And if you are allowing this to happen and you are feeling that momentum, that is flow.

Speaker 2 41:55

Yes. So if this was all new to you and you've never really spent time with this one journal prompt, just sit with this question where am I forcing and how can I shift into flow? And just see what comes up for you, without judgment, with love and with excitement in exploration, like I wonder how I can shift more, because usually with all clients I've experienced tiny little shifts, equal a lot of momentum, correct, and so they build on top of each other and sometimes you don't even realize the changes and the progress that you've made, because it's subtle.

Speaker 2 42:35

It is subtle and because subtle little drops of water in a cup eventually fill up the cup.

Speaker 1 42:42

Exactly, exactly.

Speaker 2 42:44

And you're the cup in that analogy. Yes, all right. Well, we enjoyed being with you today. We hope that this was empowering and inspired you to get into flow state as often as possible and switch and shift and just enjoy your life. And inspired you to get into flow state as often as possible and switch and shift and just enjoy your life Live in a state of joy In joy.

Speaker 1 43:06

And just know that all things are temporary. So if you find yourself in a state of force, it's temporary. You can make a few adjustments and be right back on flow.

Speaker 2 43:14

Right, sending you the highest vibrations.

Speaker 1 43:17

You are held.

Force vs Flow Game

Speaker 2 43:25

You are loved. Imagine if you were asked to dance by somebody you didn't see them dance before, which is always the rule. Ladies, Hear me out. If somebody is dancing and that you haven't seen them dance, just make sure it's a song, that you don't have to touch the person, Because if you find out once you're on the dance floor that they are in a force state versus a flow state, tell me which one of those is going to be a good time.

Speaker 1 43:50

It's not going to be the force state. You're going to have a broken something. Exactly, you're going to be on the floor. There's going to be a hurt ankle.

Speaker 2 44:05

Okay. So, using this analogy, think about would you say yes to dancing with yourself? Okay, so, if you are in a state where you feel yucky, another way you can check in is be like would I dance with this person? And if you're in a yucky?

Speaker 2 44:21

state you're going to be like no, because that's force energy. Nobody would say yes to that. Nobody magnetizes to force energy. Nobody's like oh, I can't wait to dance with the guy who rips my arms off. Nobody's like oh, I can't wait to dance with the guy that steps on my feet. Nobody says this right. So then why are we dancing with our own life like that? Okay, zarell just came in, who's our beautiful daughter? And I said what's the difference between force versus flow? And she said isn't this inappropriate.

Speaker 3 44:51

Can you talk about potty talk on the podcast?

Speaker 2 44:54

Yeah, we talk a lot of potty talk. Have you not listened? Oh, I'm busted. You're not a subscriber.

Speaker 3 45:02

I'm the biggest one. I'm at home listener.

Speaker 2 45:05

And at home listener. Okay, so what's the difference?

Speaker 3 45:09

Okay, Forrest is like a hemorrhoid. And then Flo is just letting it out and smooth move.

Speaker 2 45:14

Yes, okay so Forrest is like forcing out your poop, yes, and Flo is like just smooth, good time.

Speaker 3 45:21

Yes, sitting on the toilet for an hour or something, just letting it come out, okay.

Speaker 2 45:28

All right. Well, do you want to add anything? Never force it. Never force it. If you force it, hemorrhoids. If you let it flow, you're good. Gucci, gucci, gucci. What do you want, people?

Speaker 3 45:42

to know most about being in a flow state. It means having fun.

Speaker 2 45:44

Yeah, and would you say that's like one of your founding principles? Yes, ma'am, who'd you learn that shit from? From Papa Bill.

Speaker 3 45:57

She always does that Anytime. I say who'd you?

Speaker 2 45:58

learn that from. She'll always name. She'll say my mom, she'll say my dad, she'll never say me. Okay, I'm joking.

Speaker 3 46:06

It's both of you guys. Yeah, okay, the empowerment couple.

Speaker 2 46:11

Okay, and Grandma Yogi too, yes.

Speaker 3 46:15

And everybody who's practically been in my life from day one.

Speaker 2 46:19

Yeah, they all know how to have a good time. Yes, okay, okay, bye.